Argh. Zee snow. Eet makes me so unhappeeeeeee!

Why did my pasty white ancestors settle in this snow-bound dookie-hole? Is the sun really all that bad? I mean, the snow forts were fun when I was a kid, but Jebus Christmas. Waking up to this weather fills my chest cavity with cold, frosty rage.

As distraction from the snowy purgatory in which we are all encased, let me tell you about my meeting last week. Like most rock stars, I work a day job (I sell propane and propane accessories). As part of this day job, I deal with "the public," who are - if you don't mind me saying so - a bunch of assholes. So occasionally, we have the folks from human resources drop by and give us refreshers on customer service. The folks from HR are almost always positive, cheery and very serious about their jobs. In other words, they're just asking to be fucked with.

So my colleagues and I were sitting around the table, sincerely discussing the challenges of customer service, when I said: "Actually, I enjoy the challenge of customer service. It's like being a good lover. I derive pleasure from intuiting what my partner's needs are and then satisfying those needs."

HR lady: "Uh... okay. Let's move on..."