Dear Penthouse Forum,

I always thought the wild and sexy stories in your pages were madeup... until I attended the second week of the Scamper residency at theAbbey Lounge. Everything I'm about to tell you is completely true. Itwas a sexxxy exxxxtravaganza with four extra x's (besides the ones I just wrote there, making a total of 13 x's. That's a whole lot ofsexy.).

First, I walked into the Abbey bathroom to find the plumber -- Jason Liebman from New York City -- working on the pipes, if you catch my drift. We just talked a little baseball, so I didn't think anything was going to happen. But then, out of nowhere, Jason whipped out his big, long instrument and started rocking me hard. I couldn't believe that this was really happening. It was just like in the movies... the dirrrty movies! Just when I thought he was about to finish up, his friends -- the Uprising -- showed up and joined in the fun. They took turns rocking my ass off. I felt like such a dirty, filthy whore...but in a good way. Does that make any sense? Do I seem like a bad person to you? And does my ass look fat in these jeans?

I was still a little worn out from all that rocking when the Dents came by to clean the pool. I didn't think anything was going to happen-- they seemed really sweet and nice young ladies. But looks can be deceiving -- those chicks punished my ass like seasoned pros and treated me like the bad wittle boy that I am. Usually, I don't go for he rough stuff, but the Dents gave it to me brutally hard and fast for over 45 solid minutes without letting up. I couldn't even cry out for help -- I was in too much ecstasy to make a peep. Well, that and the ball gag.

Then, the hosts of the evening Scamper came in to fix the copy machine. To be honest, they were a little limp. It was all over way too quickly. I assured them -- don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys and size doesn't matter and all that shit that we know isn't true. They seemed to buy it. Chumps.

Just when I thought that I was never going to experience pleasure again, there was a ring at the doorbell. It was the Brett Rosenberg Problem, delivering a pizza. I didn't think anything was going to happen. But that little fella spanked my grundle with his sweet and tasty licks late into the night. Crippling wave after crippling wave of classic rock-influenced pleasure racked my body. It was amazing.

By the time it was over, I was physically, emotionally and fluidly spent, left with nothing but a warmly satisfied feeling in my loins and a burning sensation in my taint. I think I'll go back next week,but I don't know if I can handle that much pleasure again. You know,sometimes it's tough being a cock-hungry slut like me, but somehow I get by.

Signed,

Awesome Night, Abbey Lounge