I know I promised the debut of Brendo's advice column this week, but that shit is going to have to wait. Instead, I'd like to address a few of the rumors that have been floating around the internet about this band. Just this week, I read the following things about Scamper:
"Keith's baby is actually a laboratory-created genetic mix of all four members of Scamper. When he grows up, don't be surprised if little Jason displays Brendan's love of crossword puzzles, Nate's ability to reproduce Bach fugues on the mouth organ and Mike's penchant for buggery."
"Brendan has a hit Broadway play based on his life, but he won't tell anyone which one it is."
"For his entire life, Mike only had one arm. Three years ago, he went on vacation to Fiji and came back with two arms. He still has never offered a satisfactory explanation for this."
"Nate once told the Dalai Lama that he thinks all monks are 'fruity' and then beat him in a freestyle old school breakdancing competition by a score of 12 to 8."
"The song 'Sophie' was originally titled 'Kofi' and was a tale of unrequited love for Secretary General of the United Nations Kofi Annan. It was later renamed Sophie... after Sophie Annan."
"Keith is 1/8th water marmot."
Now, I don't even want to dignify most of these rumors with a response. But damn it - my love for crossword puzzles has been grossly overstated. It's a hobby at the most. I can't believe people would be so vicious.
Has anyone else heard anything? Don't be afraid.
"Keith's baby is actually a laboratory-created genetic mix of all four members of Scamper. When he grows up, don't be surprised if little Jason displays Brendan's love of crossword puzzles, Nate's ability to reproduce Bach fugues on the mouth organ and Mike's penchant for buggery."
"Brendan has a hit Broadway play based on his life, but he won't tell anyone which one it is."
"For his entire life, Mike only had one arm. Three years ago, he went on vacation to Fiji and came back with two arms. He still has never offered a satisfactory explanation for this."
"Nate once told the Dalai Lama that he thinks all monks are 'fruity' and then beat him in a freestyle old school breakdancing competition by a score of 12 to 8."
"The song 'Sophie' was originally titled 'Kofi' and was a tale of unrequited love for Secretary General of the United Nations Kofi Annan. It was later renamed Sophie... after Sophie Annan."
"Keith is 1/8th water marmot."
Now, I don't even want to dignify most of these rumors with a response. But damn it - my love for crossword puzzles has been grossly overstated. It's a hobby at the most. I can't believe people would be so vicious.
Has anyone else heard anything? Don't be afraid.
7 Comments:
Brendan worked his way through college by imitating a young Vietnamese woman, and hooking himself to blind veterans at the VFW hall.
That one is only 30% true. Try to guess which 30% - I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
If I had my way, Brendan would get hit in the head by a car
Hmm, did my sister just log in to Scamper.net?
It was on an otherwise forgettable March afternoon in 1984 that Nate introduced Jose Canseco to steroids and gold necklaces…
Keith is not in fact Keith, but Jason Schwartzman, who is doing research for an upcoming Evan Dando biopic.
What sort of crap-ass blog interface denies its users the ellipsis? I'm gonna fuck Blogger up the ass the next time I see it.
i heard that...
oh this one's just way too easy..
i can't even start..i don't think i'd be able to stop..
that's right brendo..self-editing
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