Friends, I know it's become a little bit of a tradition that I do the recaps of the March residency shows in some sort of gimmick voice. Week one, I wrote it as a teenage girl's diary. Week two was a Penthouse letter and of course, week three had the cleanest dirty limericks you've ever read in your life.

This week, I've got nothing. I just spent about 20 minutes internally debating between a not-that-amusing Shakespearean sonnet and an ill-conceived conservative talk radio parody, so I decided to cut my losses and just tell you about the night in my own voice. But if you're in the mood for a little bit of meta, today's theme is that there is no theme. Oooooooo...

- The evening started out with a startling discovery: a new flavor of vitamin water - Scamper's favorite drink. It's called Formula 50 and it tastes like grape and it's gooooooood. From what I could ascertain, the 50 represents the 50% of your recommended daily dose of something. I'm not sure exactly what, though. 50% of your daily dose of grapes? That was lucky, as I had two of them - thus fulfilling all my grape requirements for the day in just under an hour. I felt comforted knowing I could go about the rest of my evening, safe from those all-too-common grape urges.

- Back in the Abbey, Orange Park hit the stage around a half hour late, like the true rock stars that they are. If they weren't so good, everyone else would have been extremely pissed. But luckily, they rocked the audience's ass off and the only one who was pissed was disgruntled Scamper drummer Mike Mirabella, because we had to cut out the 20-minute jazz improv drum solo we had planned.

- Around 45 minutes behind schedule, Fooled By April started setting up. I asked them to shorten their set a bit to make sure that the last band didn't get screwed out of time. They were cool with this, but Pete said to me, "Hey Brendo, remember the days when you were sort of our unofficial roadie and used to help us set up and get us water? Now you're in your own band and you're up here telling us to cut songs and hurry up - funny, huh?" I slapped him across the face and responded, "Shut the fuck up, Pete. Time is money."

- Fooled By April more than made up the time - they blazed through their set, topping off with an absolutely Ramones-esque frenetic version of "Monsters of Rock." It was, in a word, awesometastic. Joe may bitch about us cutting their set short over in his journal, but a) Scamper cut out just as much, b) those guys are commercial-selling rich bastards who don't deserve any of your sympathy and c) fuck him. (By the way, that's a little sneak preview of the toast I have in store when I'm Joe's best man in June. It will most certainly end with the words "fuck him.").

- Scamper played the 4th set in as many weeks. Not much new to say. Nate still on his knees. Me still torturing Keith. Mike still sexy.

- Finishing off the show were our practice space buddies Harris. Up to this point, the only thing I really knew about them is that they liked to leave beer cans on the floor. Now, I know that they're also a super-talented up-and-coming band. You should all check them out if you missed last night's show.

One more show to go, soldiers. Next week, we'll be giving out perfect attendance awards.