Along with my hacking cough, some burning and important questions have been keeping me up all night lately:
- How much money would you pay to see Paris Hilton get punched in the face? I think I'd pay $70. She'd have to be on her cell phone, completely unaware. She turns around and then BAM! You know what? Make it $75. $80 if I get to do the punchin' myself.
- This one came from our good buddy Hogg: "My belt holds up my pants, but my belt loops hold up my belt. Who's the real hero?"
- Is Scamper the sort of band whose members should be wearing eye-liner?
- Why don't they just make the whole plane out of the black box? And what's the deal with airline food? Could it BE any drier? But seriously, folks. White people walk like this. Black people walk like this. Stop heckling me - I don't come down to your job and slap the dick out of your mouth.
Thoughts? Answers? More questions? Have a nice weekend.
- How much money would you pay to see Paris Hilton get punched in the face? I think I'd pay $70. She'd have to be on her cell phone, completely unaware. She turns around and then BAM! You know what? Make it $75. $80 if I get to do the punchin' myself.
- This one came from our good buddy Hogg: "My belt holds up my pants, but my belt loops hold up my belt. Who's the real hero?"
- Is Scamper the sort of band whose members should be wearing eye-liner?
- Why don't they just make the whole plane out of the black box? And what's the deal with airline food? Could it BE any drier? But seriously, folks. White people walk like this. Black people walk like this. Stop heckling me - I don't come down to your job and slap the dick out of your mouth.
Thoughts? Answers? More questions? Have a nice weekend.
22 Comments:
i'd much rather punch paris hilton in the butt. with my weiner.
I'm sorry - I think Paris Hilton is beyond repulsive. In the words of JDog: "I wouldn't fuck her with Jesus' dick."
For shame. Is it really part of your moral code to steal a joke that was stolen by someone else for *their* moment of glory just for a few laughs in your journal? I think it's pretty low to do that when the guy is out of town and can't get pissed at you himself.
What are you talking about, Spenco? I didn't steal anything. I quoted him.
I see no quotes. I see no attribution. I see no source information.
And I quote:
"In the words of JDog: "I wouldn't fuck her with Jesus' dick."""""""
But back to the eyeliner.
That's not the quote I'm talking about. I think Joe told the story enough times, to enough people, and even wrote about it in HIS journal so that his stealing of the joke would have to be attributed. Gimme a break.
eye-li-ner! eye-li-ner!
Oh, you're talking about the "slap the dick out of your mouth" joke? No, no, no - that's a stand-up comedy staple. That paragraph was a bunch of stand-up comedy cliches.
The "slap the dick out of your mouth" joke is a famous heckler retort, most recently made re-famous by Hank Kingsley (Jeffrey Tambor) to Jon Stewart on THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW episode about Larry's roast.
Just like the black box joke, that one is a cliche, so considered open property. Joe has absolutely no claim to that one, thus no quoting. I always quote my comedy sources.
I gotta back up Brendan here, Spencer. He was on a roll of stand-up cliches. I should know, I'm the comedy editor of The Somerville News, Somerville's Most Widely Read Newspaper, now online at thesomervillenews.com and on newsstands now FREE with a new layout, designed by yours truly, including color photos. Did I mention we're also a weekly paper now. Very exciting.
Right, but Joe used it very importantly and very clearly...oh, whatever. I know it was stolen. I know where it was from. I knew the source. I got the paragraph's idea. Very clever.
Yes, I think all of the members in Scamper should immediately invest in purple and/or blue eyeliner.
Did I mention how I very clearly UNDERSTOOD the joke? And where it was from? And the path of Brendan's joke? Crikey.
Did I mention The Somerville News?
best. reporter. ever!!!!!
"With the Board of Health’s announcement, it looks like the City of Somerville is finally tired of letting the bedbugs bite."
Yayy, a reader!
> Is Scamper the sort of band whose members should be wearing eye-liner?
Absolutely not. Unless they add a girl.
Pedro, usually I charge for commercials on my journal, but I'll let it pass, since you are the author of this monstrosity:
http://somervillenews.typepad.com/the_somerville_news/2004/12/with_addition_o.html
Oh, and I will never wear eyeliner. Because I'm, you know, a heterosexual male.
Wow, I never noticed the comment on that page. Wow.
Oh, and to weigh in on the topic at hand: if you guys wore mascara, think of the marketing bonanza: "Mas-Scamper Eye Make-Up". Awesome.
> Oh, and I will never wear eyeliner. Because I'm, you know, a heterosexual male.
Um, I gotta agree with you there Brendo. I'm with you.
Drummers can wear eyeliner. Come on Mike!
Okay...on the eyeliner. Women find eyes sexy as hell. Emphasis of this body part, only increases the sexiness of said body part. That being said, DO NOT SHOW UP WITH CODPIECES...penii are funny looking.
xoxo
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