Sorry to have been away from you all for so long, my little succubi. I was preoccupied with the planning and execution of Joe's bachelor party. My crippling fear of ruining any surprises prevented me from posting anything at all.

Overall, the weekend went off without a hitch. Really, the only problem child of the weekend was me, who was so stressed about everything going perfectly that I lashed out at every non-Joe person around me. The members of my band took a particularly large brunt of my angst. But hey, that's what a band is for, right? To be verbally abused for no reason. Sorry, fellas.

Friday night, the bachelor party did a little bowling and then headed to a cheap Chinese restaurant for a "surprise" dinner with a gender-mixed group of Joe's friends, including his lovely betrothed Sarah. Of course, it wasn't a surprise at all because I accidentally sent Joe an evite to the damn thing. I am, as always, a big sweaty retard.

But there were still surprises in store - we played a game that I invented called "Love or Punishment." Here's how the game went:

Before the game, I asked Sarah ten questions. Joe had to match her answer. There were ten people in the audience with envelopes. If Joe got an answer wrong, he would pick one and that person would read an embarrassing story about Joe. It was fuuuuuun. Things the group learned about Joe:

- He farts a lot.
- He is not shy about said farting.
- Don't be mean to him at a party at your house. He'll do stuff.
- Don't bump him from a flight. He'll do stuff.
- Did I mention the farting?

After the game, Pete set up a slide show with "inspirational" quotes from Joe's Diary over at the Fooled By April site (Fooled by Whom? I think they used to be a band). Just check out the archives to see what a positive motherfucker Joe is. Imagine some choice quotes over some inspiration photos of flowers, landscapes and bald eagles. Hilarious stuff.

Then, it was time for some actual nice stories. A few toasts, a few tears and a few more farts later, we could officially deem "Joe Welsh Appreciation Night" a smashing success. But the weekend wasn't over. Not by a long shot...