A bit of real-life dialogue to get you through your weekend. On Thursday night, I am at ye olde local publick houseee ordering a round of tasty adult beverages for myself and my pals when a woman in a red cowboy hat approaches me. She is in her late 50's and, in a word, gross.

She immediately begins to run her hands across my arms and chest. The following conversation ensues:

Her: Hey sexy, are you married?
Me: Yes, I'm married to the sea.
Her: Oh. (beat) What?
Me: I'm married to the sea. I'm a sea captain.

As I walk away with my beers in hand, I hear her turn to another woman and say, "That guy is married to the sea."

One more quick one - on the commuter rail last night, a teenager attempts to get on the train. The conductor looks at his ticket and refuses, leading to the following exchange:

Teenager: But the big fat guy at the last station charged us an extra dollar and punched the ticket wrong.
Conductor: (smiles and shakes his head) Yup - that's Bobby for you.

The teenager then watches helplessly from the platform as the train, carrying perhaps the least helpful MBTA employee ever, pulls away.