Last night, I shaved off my monstrosity of a beard to officially sport the moustache for tonight's show. It. Is. ATROCIOUS. I look like former Celtics coach Chris Ford on a coke bender. Not a sexy look. At work today, I've already been called "sketchy," "skeevy" and "boinkable" (that was from an old dude in facilities - he don't see so good).

You think that you have an idea of how gross the moustache is going to look, but you just don't know until you see it hanging there on your upper lip in all its shady glory. Goosebumps. Multiply that times the four members of Scamper. In particular, Nate has promised some genuinely gross facial hair. In short, you cannot miss the show at the Abbey tonight. We go on late.

Last night was Keith and Alena's anniversary so Nate and I (in all our bearded glory) stepped in to watch little Jason for a few hours while they went out to dinner. Because the band that babysits together stays together.

Everything started off swimmingly - we played the "knock magnets off the refrigerator and then point at Nate" game for almost 45 minutes. Then, there was a vigorous round of peek-a-boo, followed by "climb the stairs" and a violent display of throwing coathangers around that would make even the sleaziest back-alley abortionist shudder. In short, the three of us were having a blast.

But it was the calm before the tsunami. At one point, Jason looked around and realized that his mother was nowhere to be found. And the shit hit the FAN. That little guy cried, drooled, screamed and wailed like a champion. Nate and I went through Keith's numbered, well-organized list of "Things that distract Jason," but it was to no avail. Little Jay Ray was crying his little head off and there wasn't a damn thing Nate and I could do about it.

Luckily, Keith and Alena came home a few minutes later and he instantly calmed down (with the help of a little boob action, natch). Try as we did, there was only one thing that he wanted and it was something two bearded gentlemen could not give him: his mommy.

As always, I am in awe of parents. We were there for a total of two hours and the kid wiped the floor with us. That's 24/7 for Keith and Alena. Being a parent is such an amazingly all-consuming job that I have the utmost admiration for people who manage to pull it off. Maybe I'm being overly reflective because it's my birthday (I'm a shameless birthday whore, aren't I?) but seeing parenting in action really affects how you think about yourself and the future. I just don't know if I could do it.

Even though I am a novice, I do have one bit of advice for all the mommies and daddies out there: don't let your babies grow moustaches. It's just bad parenting. See you tonight.