My first 5K is in the books and I don't want to brag, but I crushed it. I finished so far ahead of everyone else that the American 5K Association immedately changed the name from the Somerville 5K to the "Everyone Look At Brendo's Ass As He Runs By You" 5K. Because that's all those chumps saw - my pear-firm posterior, flapping in the wind.

Oh wait... old crippled people passed me. I wish I were joking about that. This old guy who was running crooked, like he had cerebral palsy flew right the christ by me. Not exactly a morale builder.

But thanks to the excellent motivational skills of the fairer half of Team Madden, I actually managed to finish the race. So thanks, Lauren - I couldn't have done it without you. You're the best.

I'll have a detailed blow-by-blow and maybe even a photo essay of the race later in the week. Fa fa foo.

On to more Scamperesque news - did you know we're playing tonight at the Middle East Upstairs? With Damone, no less? I mean, what the frig? That's some serious rock for a Monday night. And there's no one-game playoff with Cleveland, so you can't use that as an excuse, you lazy no-Monday-coming-out bitches.