What's that sound you hear? That's the bottom of the barrel being scraped.
All right! Time for one last Scamper Christmas carol! I'm pretty sure Nate won't talk to me afte this one:
(sung to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")
Oh Diggity, Oh Diggity!
You're oh so smart and witty,
Oh Diggity, Oh Diggity!
Your eyeliner is pretty.
With model cheeks and bod skinny,
You're the vision of androgyny.
Oh Diggity, Oh Diggity!
We think you're just swe-ell.
Oh Diggity, Oh Diggity!
We don't ask, you don't te-ell.
And... I'm spent. Merry Christmas and may God have mercy on all your souls.
All right! Time for one last Scamper Christmas carol! I'm pretty sure Nate won't talk to me afte this one:
(sung to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")
Oh Diggity, Oh Diggity!
You're oh so smart and witty,
Oh Diggity, Oh Diggity!
Your eyeliner is pretty.
With model cheeks and bod skinny,
You're the vision of androgyny.
Oh Diggity, Oh Diggity!
We think you're just swe-ell.
Oh Diggity, Oh Diggity!
We don't ask, you don't te-ell.
And... I'm spent. Merry Christmas and may God have mercy on all your souls.
23 Comments:
that was weak!
You won't see me disagreeing with you.
the buildup was too much. No one can compete with that much expectation.
I liked it! Well done, Brendan. That last line was a winner. Haha! (Not that I agree with it, but it was funny as hell)
There's a certain lack of focus here. Make all the gay accusations you want, but androgyny? Come now.
OK - your turn, not knowing you very well I can't go far, but here's the start...
They had mikey and nathan,
and vitamin water,
dougie the penquin,
and keith's marching orders,
but when rotherstein split,
only one new bassist would fit.
Brendo the shrinking bassist
and his most ironic shirts
he used to make some movies
now with J. Lewis he flirts...
Brendan can sing the high notes
and his journal does enthrall
holds down the rhythym section
with that drummer with big balls
so one hot ass crowded night
at the abby lounge
be sure to buy a big cold beer
for that guy who's much less round
all of the boston rock scene
kneel and bow before his name
everybody worships brendan
and then he will wake up again
again, sadly devoid of actual funny inside humor, as all i know about you i know through this journal, but I didn't want to see you left out.
Sweet Jesus, that was amazing!
Anonymous, reveal thyself!
it is I, who will be sharing spaghetti with mike on xmas.
Tremendous work, Dave. I am in awe. I gladly hand my carol-writing crown over to you.
Damnit! I was going to be the first to post an anonymous brendo- carol... maybe I'll be the first tomorrow.
I don't think there will be a journal tomorrow, so go nuts, Other Anonymous.
I'm the other other anonymous. But anyway... to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer":
Brendo the local bassist
Had a very round torso
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it growed
All of the other bassists
Used to laugh and call him huge
They never let poor Brendo
Compete in the Olympic Luge
Then one fateful Monday morn
Brendo did conclude
"Maybe if I lift some weights
I will not protrude"
So...
Then all the bassists loved him
And they shouted out so joyous:
"Brendo the local bassist,
There's less of you to annoy us!"
Happy Christmas and all the rest, everyone.
Another excellent job, other anonymous.
That was a heartbreaking day - when they wouldn't let me compete in the Olympic luge.
Brendan:
You are talented, intelligent and attractive. Ignore others who may tell you otherwise.
sung to the tune of frosty
brendan the bassist
was as round as he could be
then he said f that
it sucks being fat
and he went low calorie ie
brendan the bassist
knew to avoid fried cheese
then he ran and ate right
and soon his pants weren't tight
and hell started to freeze
brendan the bassist
makes the girlies scream with glee
they don't want the other scampers
cause they smell like shitty pampers
and he only smells like pee
brendan the bassist
melting off the pounds
then he said don't cry
I'm the same weird guy
and he ordered 2 more rounds
"brendan the bassist
makes the girlies scream with glee
they don't want the other scampers
cause they smell like shitty pampers
and he only smells like pee"
BRILLIANT!!!
you did a good job too, brendan
Yeah, I like the shitty pampers line. But why does everyone have to write about Brendan's previously plump torso?
How's this for a change: (sing to the tune of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")
I saw Brendan kissing Mikey's balls
At the Middle East upstairs last night
They didn't make a peep
Though they did begin to weep
When they realized Nate was tucked up
In his bedroom with a sheep
Alena, you get the gold medal on that one.
Wow - I'm amazed at how talented and creative my readership is. Now if we could only harness this power and point it toward something other than Christmas carols about balls...
Hey, aren't you supposed to be writing a blog or something? Gimme something before I go away for a week. Any last pre-Christmas words of wisdom?
Bite my balls.
Merry Christmas to you too.
balls are funny and wrinkly like old comedians.
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