2005 is winding to a whimpering close. Before I offer my resolutions for 2006, I thought it might be fun and space-filling to take a look back at the resolutions I made in this space last year. Won't that be fun? And time-consuming?
So let's take a little sip of the mysterious Scamper Time Drink (patent pending) and travel all the way back to the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Four to see how I did with last year's resolutions. These resolutions actually appeared on this page on December 29, 2004. Check yourself if you don't believe me, Sally Doesn't-Trust-People:
Speaking of the future, it's time for a few New Year's resolutions. In 2005, I plan to:
- help pick up the broken pieces of manhood that used to be Nate and Mike when they return from New Orleans next week. It's not going to be pretty, people.
Well, Nate and Mike survived in 2005, but New Orleans didn't. Coincidence? I. Think. NOT.
- learn to speak Spanish. Failing that, I'll learn Spanglish. Then, Engspan with a possible side order of Sanscrit. When I can't pull that off, I'll just hang out down at Anna's Taqueria and eat burritos.
Nope. Didn't learn any Spanish or Spanglish. But I did learn that the Picante's Mexican food place in Davis Square, Somerville is going to be replaced by a Spike's Junkyard Dogs hot dog restaurant. And for this alone, I look forward to 2006 with a tingly feeling in my doodacky.
- finally beat Mike Tyson's Punchout. I know the game is like 40 years old at this stage, but I just can't get by Don Flamenco. He paralyzes me with his Latin machismo.
Nothing doing. However, I heard a rumor that in 2005 Don Flamenco and Starman from Pro Wrestling finally made their common-law marriage official and moved to the magical kingdom of Hyrule. They're very happy together. King Korn Khan got them a nice dinette set.
- convince you to get that mole removed. Seriously, I'm worried about that thing.
What did I tell you? Next time, listen to my unsolicited medical advice. It looks like you've got Gary Coleman's head growing out of your ass.
- avoid tsunamis. What? Too soon?
Man, I was so edgy in late 2004. I've gotten soft.
- rock out with Fooled By April at the New Year's bash at the Lizard Lounge in Cambridge. Shill shill shill. Whore whore whore. I'm still sifting through those random "makeout at midnight" offers that have been rolling in. Dudes?
If memory serves, I didn't get any action that night, but I did wake up with a strange rash on my uvula. I blame Pete Galea.
- appreciate how lucky I am every single day. Sorry, snuck in a serious one there. Have a great and safe New Year everyone.
Ditto and ditto. I'll share my 2006 resolutions with you some time this week. Unless I resolve to stop writing dumb shit on the internet every day. Then, you're out of luck.
So let's take a little sip of the mysterious Scamper Time Drink (patent pending) and travel all the way back to the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Four to see how I did with last year's resolutions. These resolutions actually appeared on this page on December 29, 2004. Check yourself if you don't believe me, Sally Doesn't-Trust-People:
Speaking of the future, it's time for a few New Year's resolutions. In 2005, I plan to:
- help pick up the broken pieces of manhood that used to be Nate and Mike when they return from New Orleans next week. It's not going to be pretty, people.
Well, Nate and Mike survived in 2005, but New Orleans didn't. Coincidence? I. Think. NOT.
- learn to speak Spanish. Failing that, I'll learn Spanglish. Then, Engspan with a possible side order of Sanscrit. When I can't pull that off, I'll just hang out down at Anna's Taqueria and eat burritos.
Nope. Didn't learn any Spanish or Spanglish. But I did learn that the Picante's Mexican food place in Davis Square, Somerville is going to be replaced by a Spike's Junkyard Dogs hot dog restaurant. And for this alone, I look forward to 2006 with a tingly feeling in my doodacky.
- finally beat Mike Tyson's Punchout. I know the game is like 40 years old at this stage, but I just can't get by Don Flamenco. He paralyzes me with his Latin machismo.
Nothing doing. However, I heard a rumor that in 2005 Don Flamenco and Starman from Pro Wrestling finally made their common-law marriage official and moved to the magical kingdom of Hyrule. They're very happy together. King Korn Khan got them a nice dinette set.
- convince you to get that mole removed. Seriously, I'm worried about that thing.
What did I tell you? Next time, listen to my unsolicited medical advice. It looks like you've got Gary Coleman's head growing out of your ass.
- avoid tsunamis. What? Too soon?
Man, I was so edgy in late 2004. I've gotten soft.
- rock out with Fooled By April at the New Year's bash at the Lizard Lounge in Cambridge. Shill shill shill. Whore whore whore. I'm still sifting through those random "makeout at midnight" offers that have been rolling in. Dudes?
If memory serves, I didn't get any action that night, but I did wake up with a strange rash on my uvula. I blame Pete Galea.
- appreciate how lucky I am every single day. Sorry, snuck in a serious one there. Have a great and safe New Year everyone.
Ditto and ditto. I'll share my 2006 resolutions with you some time this week. Unless I resolve to stop writing dumb shit on the internet every day. Then, you're out of luck.
9 Comments:
Bald Bull(2nd fight) was the toughest guy in Punch Out. I always had trouble with his bull charge.
I always liked King Hippo and Soda Popinski. Once you got into the rhythm it was all over. And what was up with the band-aids over King Hippos belly button? Ideas?
Soda Popinski! I love that guy. There should be more drunk dudes in video games.
No one had trouble with that wily Glass Joe?
Wasn't Glass Joe's weakness that he didn't like it when you, you know, punched him?
You must've had some crazy A-B cross pattern move action going on, dude. Guy whaled me every time.
I bet Brendan got caught staring at Super Macho Man because he found him to be so hott. And then he got nailed by the super spin punch.
I love the dumb shit you write on the internet every day. Please don't stop.
sweet, I thought I read something about Spike's moving in, but I hadn't been able to find anything else about until this. mmm, hot dogs.
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