Good morning, friends. Well, it's the Red Sox home opener, so what better time to make ridiculous, baseless predictions about the upcoming season? Let's start with the National League, about which I know next to nothing:
NL East: Atlanta Braves (because they always win and they're always-winning jerks)
NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals (because Albert Pujols is part cyborg)
NL West: San Diego Padres (because everyone else in the division sucks rotten cow ass)
NL Wild Card: I'm going to pull a sentimental pick and go with the New York Mets and my boy Petey.
AL East: Gots to pick the Yankees until they prove otherwise. I know it's an "en vogue" to say this is the year that the Sox (or worse the Blue Jays) topple the AL East champions, but I just can't see it happening with Johnny Damon at the top of that line-up. They're going to score more than Nate in an alley behind a Click Five concert.
AL Central: Going to go with the upset here and pick the Cleveland Indians over the defending world champion Chicago White Sox. Side bet: Ozzie Guillen will threaten someone's life this season and be dead serious about it.
AL West: Anaheim will be strong most of the season, but Oakland will make a characteristic August and September surge and take the division. This Oakland pitching staff is nastier than Nate's underwear in an alley behind a Click Five concert.
AL Wild Card: Red Sox will fit in here because of a late White Sox collapse and the fact the Jonathan Papelbon's splitter makes me harder than Nate in an alley... okay, I'm done.
As ridiculous as it is to pick a World Series winner in April, I'm not afraid to go on record: Oakland over the Mets.
Who's going to stop me? No one can. So don't even try.
NL East: Atlanta Braves (because they always win and they're always-winning jerks)
NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals (because Albert Pujols is part cyborg)
NL West: San Diego Padres (because everyone else in the division sucks rotten cow ass)
NL Wild Card: I'm going to pull a sentimental pick and go with the New York Mets and my boy Petey.
AL East: Gots to pick the Yankees until they prove otherwise. I know it's an "en vogue" to say this is the year that the Sox (or worse the Blue Jays) topple the AL East champions, but I just can't see it happening with Johnny Damon at the top of that line-up. They're going to score more than Nate in an alley behind a Click Five concert.
AL Central: Going to go with the upset here and pick the Cleveland Indians over the defending world champion Chicago White Sox. Side bet: Ozzie Guillen will threaten someone's life this season and be dead serious about it.
AL West: Anaheim will be strong most of the season, but Oakland will make a characteristic August and September surge and take the division. This Oakland pitching staff is nastier than Nate's underwear in an alley behind a Click Five concert.
AL Wild Card: Red Sox will fit in here because of a late White Sox collapse and the fact the Jonathan Papelbon's splitter makes me harder than Nate in an alley... okay, I'm done.
As ridiculous as it is to pick a World Series winner in April, I'm not afraid to go on record: Oakland over the Mets.
Who's going to stop me? No one can. So don't even try.
14 Comments:
Gosh that Nate sure is virile.
Gosh that Nate sure is virile.
You mean viral.
I'm so flabbergasted, I don't even know where to start. YANKEES?!?!? What the fuck is wrong with you??? They're sucking already and they're gonna suck all year long. What kind of a fan are you anyway? Yankees my ass.
I'm making predictions as to what will happen in reality. It has nothing to do with what I WANT to happen.
Have you seen that line-up lately? Get your head out of the sand, fangirl!
They're sucking already and they're gonna suck all year long.
Didn't they start last year at something like 1 and 42?
i'm with alena on this one.
in the future, i will find a way to stop you from making such ridiculous posts and/or predictions that include putting the yankees on the AL East pedestal. reality or not, it's mildly sarcrilegious.
ever since you've started this whole "we won the world series, now it's all just a game" mentality, it's really started showing in the red sox performance.
so when we continue to lose for another 86yrs, i'm blaming you. "the curse of the brendino"
Girls are dumb.
And it's the sort of dumb with which it is impossible to argue.
You guys can both suck my dick.
Can we please get back to talking about stuff to which i can relate???
"Can we please get back to talking about stuff to which i can relate???"
Thank you, Johanna. I always somehow feel lesser when I'm not up on the basekefootballockey stuff.
I come here to feel better about myself!
I kid.
Nixon's already injured.
Say goodbye to Trot - I have a feeling this year is his swan song with the Olde Towne Teammmeee.
You're not allowed to talk about baseball anymore with that rotten attitude.
I find better baseball predictions than yours in my stool...
BTW, life in Section 41 at Fenway yesterday was grand...
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