After a long absence due to my Friday morning class this past semester, I made my triumphant return to Thursday night karaoke last evening. I marked the occasion by rocking some "Separate Ways" by Journey. Before you karaoke purists get all up in my ass, I'm fully aware that performing Journey at karaoke is a bit on the show-offy side. Normally, I'd be with you, but I was coming off a rather long layoff and I wanted to "announce my presence with authority".
My favorite moment of the evening ensued after I involuntarily poured myself a second pint of beer from the pitcher even though I was literally only halfway through my first pint. Confused, I turned to my fellow kroker Lauren and had the following exchange:
Me: "Wow - why did I just do that?"
Lauren: (shrugs) "You like beer."
Me: (thinking) "It's true. I really DO like beer."
As I was replaying this exchange in my head this morning, I gots to noodling - I know a lot of funny people. Most of my days are filled with email exchanges, phone calls and IM conversations that often leave my anus seeping with laughter. Some of you have this mistaken idea that I'm the funniest guy in the universe. I know, I know - I'm like a god to you people. But really, most of my friends are almost as entertaining as I am. Almost.
So I've decided to start a new feature here on the journal: the Friday Rip-Off. Every Friday (or unless I don't feel like it), I will feature some of the best quotes of the week or conversations with friends and co-conspirators. Sometimes, I'll have to paraphrase (with the occasional punch-up for grammar, timing, etc), but of course I'll always give the artist credit. Sound like fun? Not really? Whatever, I'm plowing forward with this ill-conceived bit, for this week at least:
From Madden:
"Man, I just got this new liquid band-aid stuff. It's awesome - I'm going to start cutting myself just so I can use it... and because I'm too fat for anyone to ever love me."
From Nick:
"Why does Jesus get a free pass? Everyone else in the history of the world that comes back from the dead: zombie. But no one calls Jesus out for being a zombie. What the fuck?"
The last word goes (as I'm sure will happen more often than not) to Vinny Shit on the Face, who has been in Philadelphia this week and files the following report:
"As for Philly, good shopping, great food, cheap rent, INORDINATE concentration of useless/insane homeless men. I was spit on last week while walking to the Olive Garden, which is like being spit on twice, now that I think about it."
Huh? This'll be fun, huh? Have a good weekend, friends. And keep saying funny things to my lazy ass so I can steal your material.
My favorite moment of the evening ensued after I involuntarily poured myself a second pint of beer from the pitcher even though I was literally only halfway through my first pint. Confused, I turned to my fellow kroker Lauren and had the following exchange:
Me: "Wow - why did I just do that?"
Lauren: (shrugs) "You like beer."
Me: (thinking) "It's true. I really DO like beer."
As I was replaying this exchange in my head this morning, I gots to noodling - I know a lot of funny people. Most of my days are filled with email exchanges, phone calls and IM conversations that often leave my anus seeping with laughter. Some of you have this mistaken idea that I'm the funniest guy in the universe. I know, I know - I'm like a god to you people. But really, most of my friends are almost as entertaining as I am. Almost.
So I've decided to start a new feature here on the journal: the Friday Rip-Off. Every Friday (or unless I don't feel like it), I will feature some of the best quotes of the week or conversations with friends and co-conspirators. Sometimes, I'll have to paraphrase (with the occasional punch-up for grammar, timing, etc), but of course I'll always give the artist credit. Sound like fun? Not really? Whatever, I'm plowing forward with this ill-conceived bit, for this week at least:
From Madden:
"Man, I just got this new liquid band-aid stuff. It's awesome - I'm going to start cutting myself just so I can use it... and because I'm too fat for anyone to ever love me."
From Nick:
"Why does Jesus get a free pass? Everyone else in the history of the world that comes back from the dead: zombie. But no one calls Jesus out for being a zombie. What the fuck?"
The last word goes (as I'm sure will happen more often than not) to Vinny Shit on the Face, who has been in Philadelphia this week and files the following report:
"As for Philly, good shopping, great food, cheap rent, INORDINATE concentration of useless/insane homeless men. I was spit on last week while walking to the Olive Garden, which is like being spit on twice, now that I think about it."
Huh? This'll be fun, huh? Have a good weekend, friends. And keep saying funny things to my lazy ass so I can steal your material.
10 Comments:
And this is why I will always prefer the journal to the board.
Thank you, Ian.
And I hope you enjoyed Nick's quote as it will be his last. He's already complaining about me "missing the context." He's a tool.
I wasn't complaining Brendan, I was just giving constructive criticism.
Oh well.
Everyone can still read my own blog, www.horrorhaiku.blogspot.com
Nick
Actually, Nick, that quote is fookin' brilliant. That logic simply can not be ignored.
But I should add that Jesus' lack of desire to quaff brains probably puts him out of the running for zombiedom.
Dan Brown's probably working on it, tho'.
Nick was just mad I didn't include his "Happy Zombie Jesus Day" greeting on Easter.
Like I said - tool. Say goodbye to Nick, fans. I wash my hands of him.
http://www.thephoenix.com/Article.aspx?id=12430&page=1
For those without a scorecard, Nick is now posting anonymously with links to our old film professor's articles for some reason. He's a jerk. (Nick, not our old professor).
Read the article, though. Steve Vineberg is a great man.
Brendo,
I didn't post the Steve-o link. Must be somebody else...I nominate Stamp or Gavin...
but here's a Brendan haiku
Boston Rock Hero
Flexlicious Adonis Bod
Ego to Match.
Anyone else?
Ian,
Totally ~ it makes one wonder why Mel Gibson and not George Romero directed Passion of the Christ.
Although Brendan probably thinks he could have directed it better than either of them.
Brendan directed me once. He doesn't really give his actors any breathing room. He sort of ruined my career.
Post a Comment
<< Home