In this space, I always try to take the high road. And yesterday, I promised to say nice things about Harris this morning. I fully intended to follow through with that promise, but I just can't bring myself lie to you people: Scamper fucking HATES Harris. It's time we stopped the facade and came clean. Scamper and Harris are mortal enemies.
The animosity between the two bands started back in '97 during a seemingly routine dental cleaning. I don't want to get into the bloody details as the emotional wounds haven't fully healed, but let's just say Harris frontman Mike Nastri can be unconscionably vicious with a handheld tooth mirror.
The next chapter in the bitter Scamper/Harris rivalry occurred during the 2002 Latin Grammys in Tokyo when Scamper was accepting the award for "Best Spanish Language Gospel Tribute to the 1967 Philadelphia Phillies" and a mescaline-crazed and visibly aroused Harris guitarist Matt Scott charged the stage and poured low-grade battery acid all over presenter Gerardo's already acid-washed jeans.
Ever since those dark whiskey-fueled days, Scamper has feared for our lives around Harris. We have pretended to like them, even going so far as to share our rehearsal space. The things we witnessed in that space... well, let's just say they shook us to our very core. I'll never look at solar-powered calculators or duck sauce the same way again. Their amoral shenanigans have completely ruined the Dr. Seuss classic "Hop on Pop" for an entire generation of young Thai immigrants. Dateline NBC needs to stop trapping these online sexual predators and take a few hidden cameras into the Harris rehearsal space. (Shudder).
So when you come to TT the Bear's tonight, be wary of the seemingly unassuming, charismatic and talented blokes called "Harris." Looking in their eyes will draw you into their filthy den of iniquity and scrotal Indian sunburns.
Oh, and Jon Day stole my dad's bike. Laughed about it. What a dick.
See you all tonight. Show starts at 9.
The animosity between the two bands started back in '97 during a seemingly routine dental cleaning. I don't want to get into the bloody details as the emotional wounds haven't fully healed, but let's just say Harris frontman Mike Nastri can be unconscionably vicious with a handheld tooth mirror.
The next chapter in the bitter Scamper/Harris rivalry occurred during the 2002 Latin Grammys in Tokyo when Scamper was accepting the award for "Best Spanish Language Gospel Tribute to the 1967 Philadelphia Phillies" and a mescaline-crazed and visibly aroused Harris guitarist Matt Scott charged the stage and poured low-grade battery acid all over presenter Gerardo's already acid-washed jeans.
Ever since those dark whiskey-fueled days, Scamper has feared for our lives around Harris. We have pretended to like them, even going so far as to share our rehearsal space. The things we witnessed in that space... well, let's just say they shook us to our very core. I'll never look at solar-powered calculators or duck sauce the same way again. Their amoral shenanigans have completely ruined the Dr. Seuss classic "Hop on Pop" for an entire generation of young Thai immigrants. Dateline NBC needs to stop trapping these online sexual predators and take a few hidden cameras into the Harris rehearsal space. (Shudder).
So when you come to TT the Bear's tonight, be wary of the seemingly unassuming, charismatic and talented blokes called "Harris." Looking in their eyes will draw you into their filthy den of iniquity and scrotal Indian sunburns.
Oh, and Jon Day stole my dad's bike. Laughed about it. What a dick.
See you all tonight. Show starts at 9.
5 Comments:
Harris ate my hat and then pooped it out. They're jerks.
FYI:
Dateline NBC= Far too busy dealing with their exclusive interview with Britney Spears to give a flying ding dong about your rivalry with Harris.
I'm just sayin..
scrotal Indian sunburns
Perhaps the most painful three words I've ever read.
Dateline NBC= Far too busy dealing with their exclusive interview with Britney Spears to give a flying ding dong about your rivalry with Harris.
What happened - did she finally catch that disease that makes your tits fall off or something?
What happened - did she finally catch that disease that makes your tits fall off or something?
Oh, she's been living with it for a while, but she just felt it was finally time to speak out and help other girls in hopes that they can relate to her and her survival story.
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