Happy Monday, robots. It looks like my world-famous immune system has turned out to be absolutely no match for whatever creepy crawlies were germinating in the smelliest microphone ever at the Knitting Factory last weekend. If I was a hip-hop star with an eye patch, I'd be Sick Rick. Blech. I've been on the classic "DayQuil for the days/NyQuil for the nights" addiction cycle all weekend. My episode of the A&E show Intervention will air in the fall.
Luckily, I did manage to hold it together for the big Friday night show at TT's with Harris, Violet Nine and Taxpayer, unofficially dubbed "The Nicest Guys in the History of the World Festival '06." Predictably with this group, it was a veritable lovefest backstage. Laughing, back-slapping, hand-holding - it was all so nauseatingly sweet and friendly that I felt the need to shake things up a bit.
So once we hit the stage, I pulled the ol' Alabama two-face on them and insulted the crap out of all the other bands. I started the evening with:
"You know, this is sort of a tough night for us. We've worked really hard and tried to get to a certain level as a band and we've been luck enough to have some success... and then we end up having to share the stage with Harris. It's just disheartening. I apologize to you for their set. Really, we feel responsible."
During the next break between songs, I got rolling again:
"We haven't played with Violet Nine for about three years and I'm happy to report that they're just as big douchebags now as they were back then. How about a little maturity, guys? Backstage, they were playing grab-ass and doing the whole "What's the capital of Thailand? Bang-COCK!" thing. Really, enough with the shenanigans, Violet Nine. Enough with the shenanigans."
And finally, the coup de grace:
"You know, you try to be friendly with other bands, but sometimes they take it the wrong way and... I don't know if I can even say this... Taxpayer tried to rape us!"
After this egregious display, I expected mighty and merciless retribution from the fellas in the other bands. Of course, Violet Nine and Taxpayer said nothing but gracious things about us from the stage, making me look like a total jerk-ass. Like that time I punched that wheelchair-bound pacifist in the throat. Sure, I'm the bad guy. Luckily, Harris were total tools as usual, so my conscience was clear.
Big ol' thanks to everyone for coming out - it really was one of our favorite shows in recent memory. Big thanks to the other three great bands - we'll play with you motherfuckers anytime. Except Harris. They lick balls.
Luckily, I did manage to hold it together for the big Friday night show at TT's with Harris, Violet Nine and Taxpayer, unofficially dubbed "The Nicest Guys in the History of the World Festival '06." Predictably with this group, it was a veritable lovefest backstage. Laughing, back-slapping, hand-holding - it was all so nauseatingly sweet and friendly that I felt the need to shake things up a bit.
So once we hit the stage, I pulled the ol' Alabama two-face on them and insulted the crap out of all the other bands. I started the evening with:
"You know, this is sort of a tough night for us. We've worked really hard and tried to get to a certain level as a band and we've been luck enough to have some success... and then we end up having to share the stage with Harris. It's just disheartening. I apologize to you for their set. Really, we feel responsible."
During the next break between songs, I got rolling again:
"We haven't played with Violet Nine for about three years and I'm happy to report that they're just as big douchebags now as they were back then. How about a little maturity, guys? Backstage, they were playing grab-ass and doing the whole "What's the capital of Thailand? Bang-COCK!" thing. Really, enough with the shenanigans, Violet Nine. Enough with the shenanigans."
And finally, the coup de grace:
"You know, you try to be friendly with other bands, but sometimes they take it the wrong way and... I don't know if I can even say this... Taxpayer tried to rape us!"
After this egregious display, I expected mighty and merciless retribution from the fellas in the other bands. Of course, Violet Nine and Taxpayer said nothing but gracious things about us from the stage, making me look like a total jerk-ass. Like that time I punched that wheelchair-bound pacifist in the throat. Sure, I'm the bad guy. Luckily, Harris were total tools as usual, so my conscience was clear.
Big ol' thanks to everyone for coming out - it really was one of our favorite shows in recent memory. Big thanks to the other three great bands - we'll play with you motherfuckers anytime. Except Harris. They lick balls.
8 Comments:
Brendan's a douchebag!
Tony's a douchebag!
The Tony Board
Now THAT sounds like a fun place to hang out.
first the max, then the peach pit..
now, the tony board.
Wow, the Tony Board. That's quite a concept!
Of course, Violet Nine and Taxpayer said nothing but gracious things about us from the stage, making me look like a total jerk-ass. Like that time I punched that wheelchair-bound pacifist in the throat. Sure, I'm the bad guy.
that's quite a family guy-esque joke you got there...
just saying.
If I copied a Family Guy joke, it was completely unintentional.
"That's more embarrassing than the time Brendan auditioned for Knight Rider."
(cue pointless flashback)
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