Speaking of birthdays, I'm world-renowned as the most shameless of birthday whores in the Western world. And friends, I've got a biiiiiiiig one coming up. Like one of those dreaded birthdays that ends in a big fat zero. That's right - it's the big 7-Oh.
Okay, I'm not quite that old, but I'm not going to lie to you - I'm starting to feel my age creeping in on me. The biggest difference I've noticed is recovery time. I just don't bounce back from physical abuse I heap upon myself like I could in the glory days. For instance, I don't know if the astute of you have noticed, but whenever I land on stage after the synchronized "Longshot" jump, my right knee makes a deafening crackling sound and spits out a fine white powder, composed of a combination of cobwebs, asbestsos and ancient Egyptian mummy dust.
But I like to make the best of it. In past years, I usually turn my birthday into a birthweek, using all seven days in mid-August to generously allow multiple friends to buy me celebratory dinners and drinks. I do it for them, really. You should see their little faces light up when the bill comes and I wait for them to utter my favorite words: "This one's on me. After all, it is your birthday week." As always, I'm one of the greater Boston area's greatest humanitarians.
Well, since this is such a large, looming birthday over my old greying head, I've decided to get even more generous with you and expand my moochtastic behavior with the following announcement:
August is officially Brendo Birthday Month.
That means that for the entire month of August, I will be accepting free drinks, dinners and gifts. And before you even ask, I know what you're thinking: no, I am not offended by large sums of cash. This is your opportunity to live out the American dream of buying me stuff. You're welcome.
But you'd better hurry and reserve your night - there are a LOT of people out there who want to buy me drinks and make me dinners. The power is in your hands. Have a good weekend, aardvarks.
Okay, I'm not quite that old, but I'm not going to lie to you - I'm starting to feel my age creeping in on me. The biggest difference I've noticed is recovery time. I just don't bounce back from physical abuse I heap upon myself like I could in the glory days. For instance, I don't know if the astute of you have noticed, but whenever I land on stage after the synchronized "Longshot" jump, my right knee makes a deafening crackling sound and spits out a fine white powder, composed of a combination of cobwebs, asbestsos and ancient Egyptian mummy dust.
But I like to make the best of it. In past years, I usually turn my birthday into a birthweek, using all seven days in mid-August to generously allow multiple friends to buy me celebratory dinners and drinks. I do it for them, really. You should see their little faces light up when the bill comes and I wait for them to utter my favorite words: "This one's on me. After all, it is your birthday week." As always, I'm one of the greater Boston area's greatest humanitarians.
Well, since this is such a large, looming birthday over my old greying head, I've decided to get even more generous with you and expand my moochtastic behavior with the following announcement:
August is officially Brendo Birthday Month.
That means that for the entire month of August, I will be accepting free drinks, dinners and gifts. And before you even ask, I know what you're thinking: no, I am not offended by large sums of cash. This is your opportunity to live out the American dream of buying me stuff. You're welcome.
But you'd better hurry and reserve your night - there are a LOT of people out there who want to buy me drinks and make me dinners. The power is in your hands. Have a good weekend, aardvarks.
10 Comments:
You can have MOST of the month of August, but some of your cutest friends are also turning the big somethingorother-oh that month! Give me the 9th or lose me forever.
You heard her - the 9th is taken. I've also had early dibs on the 4th as well and the 6th goes to my mom.
This is already working out way better than I planned.
This is why I'm leaving Boston for most of August.
Boycott Brendo Month has a nice ring to it.
Always the agitator, Poochie. Always the agitator.
How about a nice "Birthday Kick in the Pants"?
You're treading all over Mikey's birthday. Mike's not done yet.
We'll be out of town for most of August, but if you're still free sometime after 8/26, you're invited to our house for a home-cooked meal. And by home-cooked, I mean Keith-grilled. And of course some extra boogie boogie time.
Birthday Month smackes of Calvin & Hobbes.
I like it.
We'll be out of town for most of August, but if you're still free sometime after 8/26, you're invited to our house for a home-cooked meal. And by home-cooked, I mean Keith-grilled. And of course some extra boogie boogie time.
Some Brendo birthday meatloaf perhaps?
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