See? I told you guys that I didn't kill JonBenet Ramsey. It was totally this dude. I think a few of you owe me an apology. Enough with the nasty phone calls and emails, already! I've murdered a lot of underage beauty queens in my day, but JonBenet was not one of them. So back off! (What - too soon?)
Man - take a look at that guy. He really looks like he killed JonBenet Ramsey, doesn't he? I mean, if I met that guy at a bar, I think my third or fourth question would be "Dude... did you kill JonBenet Ramsey?" In fact, that interaction might go a little sumtin like dis:
[We open on a bar in Bangcock, Thailand. A creepy looking stranger (John Mark Karr) sits down next to Brendan.]
John: How's it going?
Brendan: Hey, man.
John: Nice night, huh?
Brendan: Yeah - a little humid.
John: So what are you doing in Bangcock?
Brendan: Who me? Oh, I just like doing that joke where you say "What's the capital of Thailand? BangCOCK!" and then slap the guy in the balls. It's very funny to me.
John: You flew all the way to Bangcock to do that joke?
Brendan: Yeah. Spent $1400 on a flight. Totally worth it. By the way, what's the capital of Thailand?
John: You just told me you were going to slap me in the balls.
Brendan: Yeah, but... just say it.
John: No.
Brendan: Come on. I won't do it this time.
John: Yes, you will.
Brendan: No, I won't. I legitimately want to know what the capital of Thailand is. I figure I'm visiting the country and I should know something about its history. Just... say it.
John: Not going to happen.
Brendan: Fine. (sulks)
John: I'm sorry, buddy. I just don't want to get hit in the nuts.
Brendan: No, it's fine. It's just... I traveled a long way and...
John: I understand. I've traveled a long way too. (The room suddenly gets darker)
Brendan: Wait a minute - dude... did you kill JonBenet Ramsey?
John: What? Why do you say that?
Brendan: I don't know - you just look like you might have killed JonBenet Ramsey.
John: I... I... it was an accident!
[SWAT teams swarm the bar and arrest John. The SWAT leader approaches Brendan.]
SWAT Leader: Thanks for your fine work, Brendo. You're an American hero. I hereby present you with the Congressional Medal of Honor and this assortment of Thai cheeses. Is there anything else your country can do for you?
Brendan: I just have one question: what's the capital of Thailand?
SWAT Leader: Why, that's easy, silly. It's Bangcock!
Brendan: YAY! USA! USA!
Yup, that's pretty much how I think it would go down.
Man - take a look at that guy. He really looks like he killed JonBenet Ramsey, doesn't he? I mean, if I met that guy at a bar, I think my third or fourth question would be "Dude... did you kill JonBenet Ramsey?" In fact, that interaction might go a little sumtin like dis:
[We open on a bar in Bangcock, Thailand. A creepy looking stranger (John Mark Karr) sits down next to Brendan.]
John: How's it going?
Brendan: Hey, man.
John: Nice night, huh?
Brendan: Yeah - a little humid.
John: So what are you doing in Bangcock?
Brendan: Who me? Oh, I just like doing that joke where you say "What's the capital of Thailand? BangCOCK!" and then slap the guy in the balls. It's very funny to me.
John: You flew all the way to Bangcock to do that joke?
Brendan: Yeah. Spent $1400 on a flight. Totally worth it. By the way, what's the capital of Thailand?
John: You just told me you were going to slap me in the balls.
Brendan: Yeah, but... just say it.
John: No.
Brendan: Come on. I won't do it this time.
John: Yes, you will.
Brendan: No, I won't. I legitimately want to know what the capital of Thailand is. I figure I'm visiting the country and I should know something about its history. Just... say it.
John: Not going to happen.
Brendan: Fine. (sulks)
John: I'm sorry, buddy. I just don't want to get hit in the nuts.
Brendan: No, it's fine. It's just... I traveled a long way and...
John: I understand. I've traveled a long way too. (The room suddenly gets darker)
Brendan: Wait a minute - dude... did you kill JonBenet Ramsey?
John: What? Why do you say that?
Brendan: I don't know - you just look like you might have killed JonBenet Ramsey.
John: I... I... it was an accident!
[SWAT teams swarm the bar and arrest John. The SWAT leader approaches Brendan.]
SWAT Leader: Thanks for your fine work, Brendo. You're an American hero. I hereby present you with the Congressional Medal of Honor and this assortment of Thai cheeses. Is there anything else your country can do for you?
Brendan: I just have one question: what's the capital of Thailand?
SWAT Leader: Why, that's easy, silly. It's Bangcock!
Brendan: YAY! USA! USA!
Yup, that's pretty much how I think it would go down.
17 Comments:
Man, I HATE that guy!
Man, I HATE that guy!
You hate the child molestor/kidnapper/murderer? That's quite a bold statement. Right up there with Vinny's anti-Hitler stance from last week.
Also right up there is Nicole Kidman coming out against terrorism.
Also right up there is Nicole Kidman coming out against terrorism.
Worst career move ever.
I dunno...that story seems a bit farfetched. I mean what would a SWAT guy be doing hauling around a medal and thai cheeses?
Other than that very plausible.
According to the Patriot Act, SWAT team leaders now have the power to distribute Congressional Medals of Honor and cheese products. PLUS, punching them in the balls is not only NOT a felony, but automatically wins the puncher the Heisman trophy.
I suggest you check your facts before you criticize my journal again, Hogg.
I think you have almost rendered me speechless, Brendan! :P
You guys suck SOOOO much. Your music is really bad. No label would ever give a first thought to you. PLEASE! quit playing. Your formula is extremely flawed. Married, angry guitarist, annoying bassist etc...time to get "real world". Brendan, the suck blog is a clue to get focused and move on.
Thai cheeses??? This oxymoron may be your funniest line ever, Kuhn Boogie! Next time you're in a Thai restaurant, ask about their cheese selection. Thai cheeses mai mii!
Thanks for the great ball-slapping idea, though. I'll try that one next time I'm on Khao San Road.
Yours from the land of smiles,
E
Hey - just wanted to apologize for my last post. I was in a bad place and the only thing that makes me feel better about life is getting angry with a local boston band who never hurt anyone.
Sorry about being such a jackass - I am getting help.
P.S. I'm trying to stop punching kittens too.
Apology accepted, ScamperBlows. It takes a big person to take responsibility for being such an inexplicably angry douche. Kudos!
Take it like the bitches you are fellas!! Don't create fake posts that are not true just to make you losers feel better about yourselves. I would never apologize about tearing you guys a new asshole. And I will continue doing it until you admit your uselessness to the Boston music community. Thank you. See you in a few posts.
Did one of you fine Scamper Boys sleep with ScamperStillBlows girlfriend? Stupid question, with an crap attitude like that I am sure no one loves him, not even his mom.
I happily admit our uselessness to the Boston music community. Without a trace of irony, we are utterly useless. I don't remember ever claiming otherwise.
HA!! Like any of these tools have girlfriends. That's a good one.
That was an insult against you ScamperWillNeverNotBlow. Apparently, basic reading skills are not in your repetoire you sad sad unimaginabley sad douche bag who definitely needs to seek professional help or be put to sleep at the vets.
Thank you for the clarification. Now get back on your knees and continue sucking Brendans dick.
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