Our deepest scampologies to the folks up at the Waterman Community Center in North Haven, Maine. We were all geared up to come visit you when our fearless leader Keith Daddy was struck down by some nasty strain of stomach flu/food poisoning/alien egg hatching inside his guts. He has reported feeling better this morning, so keep your cards and bouquets to yourselves. But it always sucks to cancel a show - we've only had to do it twice in Scamper's illustrious five-year history, so we take our commitments very seriously. Sorry, Maine-iacs - we'll try to reschedule and get back up there soon.
So all of a sudden, the three non-vomiting members of Scamper had a weekend off. So Diggity and I decided to visit Mikey for a tour of his ancestral home of Revere Massachusetts. Some highlights:
- Every building that had anything remotely to do with Mike's childhood has burned to the ground. It's eerie.
- During a quick trip to KFC, we saw in a furious three-minute span:
a) the hairiest bald guy in America wearing the world's least flattering tank top...
b) a woman with pendulous breasts in a white sweater and no bra whose brown nipples were actually poking through her sweater into the faces of the KFC patrons. And the coup de grace...
c) a man holding a paper bag-covered 40-ouncer in one hand, pushing a baby stroller in another and wearing a full-length Laurence-Fishburne-in-the-Matrix black trenchcoat.
I don't know if I could possibly do this visual justice. After seeing him, Diggity turns to us and says "What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to make sense of that image?"
- Apparently, Mikey is the crown prince of Revere. Everywhere we went, we were greeted like warriors returning from battle. Free drinks, special treatment - it was like going into the briny deep with Aquaman or something. On land, he's just some dude with limited powers that hangs out with the real superheroes, telling stories like "Oh man - if we were in Atlantis, we'd be getting so much mermaid poon right now." Sure we would, Aquaman. Sure we would.
But then you get to Atlantis and it turns out everything he said was totally true. Oh my God, you actually do have a handjob-loving girlfriend that lives in Canada. Good on ya, Aquaman.
Speaking of mermaid poon, happy belated birthday to frequent contributor Hogg, who grew one year drunker and despair-tastic on Saturday. And another happy big one to friend of Scamper Christine, who's off celebrating her big b-day (oops, this one might end in a zero) like a rock star by trashing Vegas. Beat up a hooker and steal her gold grill for me, baby doll.
So all of a sudden, the three non-vomiting members of Scamper had a weekend off. So Diggity and I decided to visit Mikey for a tour of his ancestral home of Revere Massachusetts. Some highlights:
- Every building that had anything remotely to do with Mike's childhood has burned to the ground. It's eerie.
- During a quick trip to KFC, we saw in a furious three-minute span:
a) the hairiest bald guy in America wearing the world's least flattering tank top...
b) a woman with pendulous breasts in a white sweater and no bra whose brown nipples were actually poking through her sweater into the faces of the KFC patrons. And the coup de grace...
c) a man holding a paper bag-covered 40-ouncer in one hand, pushing a baby stroller in another and wearing a full-length Laurence-Fishburne-in-the-Matrix black trenchcoat.
I don't know if I could possibly do this visual justice. After seeing him, Diggity turns to us and says "What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to make sense of that image?"
- Apparently, Mikey is the crown prince of Revere. Everywhere we went, we were greeted like warriors returning from battle. Free drinks, special treatment - it was like going into the briny deep with Aquaman or something. On land, he's just some dude with limited powers that hangs out with the real superheroes, telling stories like "Oh man - if we were in Atlantis, we'd be getting so much mermaid poon right now." Sure we would, Aquaman. Sure we would.
But then you get to Atlantis and it turns out everything he said was totally true. Oh my God, you actually do have a handjob-loving girlfriend that lives in Canada. Good on ya, Aquaman.
Speaking of mermaid poon, happy belated birthday to frequent contributor Hogg, who grew one year drunker and despair-tastic on Saturday. And another happy big one to friend of Scamper Christine, who's off celebrating her big b-day (oops, this one might end in a zero) like a rock star by trashing Vegas. Beat up a hooker and steal her gold grill for me, baby doll.
5 Comments:
Perhaps this is the appropriate place to point out to Brendan that I ran off with the leftover Chinese food.
So logy.
Perhaps this is the appropriate place to point out to Brendan that I ran off with the leftover Chinese food.
That fact didn't go unnoticed. Way to take advantage of my 'nese-induced coma, jerk.
[i]Oh my God, you actually do have a handjob-loving girlfriend that lives in Canada. Good on ya, Aquaman.[/i]
You slay me Monsieur Papillon!
I hate Chinese food. It reminds me of China. I hate China. And i also hate Old Navy. They have shitty clothes and bad commercials.
China: terrible human rights policies, excellent sesame chicken.
Old Navy: terrible commercials, terrible pants.
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