Last night, Vinny and I were enjoying a typical guy night as we've done hundreds, nay thousands of occasions before: drinking beer and watching Venture Brothers on cable. Beer, cartoons - it was all very manly stuff. Right before the neckrub portion of the evening, Vinny throws me a curve ball: "We have to change the channel - Project Runway is on."
After briefly questioning the strength of one of my oldest and dearest friendships (to be fair to me, earlier in the evening he pointed to a vase in his living room and asked, "Do you like those flowers? I arranged those."), I decided to give this Project Runway thing the kids have been talking about a chance.
I lasted about 20 minutes.
It's not so much that I thought it was a terribly-made program or anything, but mostly, I felt bad for ruining the pleasures of the show for Vinny by having the following conversations:
Vinny: Oh, she's back? I hate her.
Me: Yeah, I hope they all get their faces sliced up and then die in a fire.
Vinny: Wait - which one?
Me: All of them. The models, the designers - all of them. I want them all to suffer and then die.
Clearly, I am prejudiced against this show, as I think anyone even remotely involved in the fashion industry is utterly useless to humanity and should be used for live-action prison rape demonstrations to scare kids straight. The entire fashion business caters to the junior high kid in all of us - that lovely mix of envy and insecurity that makes the desire to be one of the cool kids the most important goal in life. It fills me with nausea.
Also, I'm reasonably sure that fashion "experts" don't have actual opinions. They're just saying whatever it takes to hornswaggle us into thinking there's actual thought put behind whatever random crap they drape around their eating disorder-riddled models this week. They're basically just squawking unadulterated bullshit and they're deemed "experts." (The Bruno character on Da Ali G Show had a few segments that exposed this hypocrisy brilliantly, by the way.)
When the rapture comes and I am finally allowed by my lord and saviour to kill with impunity, the streets will run red with the fashion industry's blood. Actually, I think they'll rank slightly above "celebrities," but still below "people who report on celebrities on TV" on the "People Brendo Will Beat To Death With a Pinto Hubcap" list. Imagine that's your life's work - getting on E! and commenting on Leo's new vacation house? That's what you do. How do you wake up every morning and NOT jump in front of a speeding Us Weekly delivery truck?
So... how's everyone else's morning going?
After briefly questioning the strength of one of my oldest and dearest friendships (to be fair to me, earlier in the evening he pointed to a vase in his living room and asked, "Do you like those flowers? I arranged those."), I decided to give this Project Runway thing the kids have been talking about a chance.
I lasted about 20 minutes.
It's not so much that I thought it was a terribly-made program or anything, but mostly, I felt bad for ruining the pleasures of the show for Vinny by having the following conversations:
Vinny: Oh, she's back? I hate her.
Me: Yeah, I hope they all get their faces sliced up and then die in a fire.
Vinny: Wait - which one?
Me: All of them. The models, the designers - all of them. I want them all to suffer and then die.
Clearly, I am prejudiced against this show, as I think anyone even remotely involved in the fashion industry is utterly useless to humanity and should be used for live-action prison rape demonstrations to scare kids straight. The entire fashion business caters to the junior high kid in all of us - that lovely mix of envy and insecurity that makes the desire to be one of the cool kids the most important goal in life. It fills me with nausea.
Also, I'm reasonably sure that fashion "experts" don't have actual opinions. They're just saying whatever it takes to hornswaggle us into thinking there's actual thought put behind whatever random crap they drape around their eating disorder-riddled models this week. They're basically just squawking unadulterated bullshit and they're deemed "experts." (The Bruno character on Da Ali G Show had a few segments that exposed this hypocrisy brilliantly, by the way.)
When the rapture comes and I am finally allowed by my lord and saviour to kill with impunity, the streets will run red with the fashion industry's blood. Actually, I think they'll rank slightly above "celebrities," but still below "people who report on celebrities on TV" on the "People Brendo Will Beat To Death With a Pinto Hubcap" list. Imagine that's your life's work - getting on E! and commenting on Leo's new vacation house? That's what you do. How do you wake up every morning and NOT jump in front of a speeding Us Weekly delivery truck?
So... how's everyone else's morning going?
26 Comments:
Hey, I get very few opportunities to enjoy Project Runway with a nice glass of chianti. When my ladyfriend is home, it's nothing but 'Let's go down to the Sligo and start a knifefight,' and I have qualities and interests beyond stabbing people, dammit.
And also, the sentence should go...
"The entire indie rock scene caters to the junior high kid in all of us - that lovely mix of envy and insecurity that makes the desire to be one of the cool kids the most important goal in life."
I could not BELIEVE the two nut jobs came back. That was just insane. It was so obvious that they were leaving again as soon as she started making that god awful collar and whatever he makes sucks anyway. Kayne needed to go. I was nervous for Jeffery. He is my absolute favorite and loved watching him run into the back room, middle fingers flying through the air. ha
So... how's everyone else's morning going?
I'm starting to plan my move back to MA. And dealing with legal bullshit that makes my heart hurt. It's a crazy trade off.
Jeffrey's outfit was decidedly subpar last night.
First of all, I applaude your taste in reality tv shows Vinny. Second, I missed last nights episode because I was super sleepy, so if someone could tell me who got the boot it would be sincerely appreciated.
P.S. Can you believe Lucas is the new front man for Supernova? OMG!
Jeffrey's outfit was decidedly subpar last night.
It was certainly NOT a cocktail dress.
P.S. Can you believe Lucas is the new front man for Supernova? OMG!
I just didn't want Dilana, but I thought for sure that Toby would take it over Lukas, and then he was booted out of the final 3. So sad.
And we've all failed to mention the grand return of New York to Flavor of Love 2!! HELLOOOOO!
Brendan, you're slipping on your Flavor Flav updates!
Angela and her ridiculous florets, Vincent and his unfinished hems, and Kayne's Oklahoma transvestite aesthetic were all shown the door. I was worried for Jeffrey. His 'cocktail dress' made the model look like Madonna's sidekick in some shitty 80s movie. I expect more of men with neck tats.
Also, Dilanna was the most interesting of the people left, Toby is the least engaging Australian to ever walk the face of the earth, and Lucas looks like he should be ornamenting my lawn.
Sooooorry, Brendan.
Vin, I agree on all Project Runway comments. The Madonna sidekick is a perfect way to put it. Angela and Vincent just scare me. I'm glad neither of them pulled something out of their ass to allow them the ability to get back in the game.
As far as Rockstar goes, Dilana was just a bitch. I couldn't stand her, and she sounded awful most of the time. I miss Ryan Star and was SO happy to see him come back for the encore. He was the best.
I liked Dilanna. She and Tommy Lee appeared to have compatible diseases. Oh well.
Thank you for your detailed breakdown of those kicked off last night on project runway. I agree that Kayne could only go so far with his drag queen inspired fashions. Let's just pray that Laura does not win. She is so uninspired. As Jeffrey would say "amateur bullshit." I do love that man.
How great is Tommy Lee though?
His one liners MADE that show.
When he told someone (Storm?) that their performance was "sauteed in wrong sauce"?! Awesome.
Dave also brings a lot of good to that show.
I'm sure Dilana will have a peg leg by the time she starts touring with the house band.
I swear to God I'll kill you all.
Nice work, Brendo.
You started it!
You started it!
I agree. This post was like a suicide note.
PS: Sara, you can go here
http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway/
It shows you all Angela's creepy ass collar and all the other cocktail dresses.
Thank you Stacy. I look forward to it and thank you Brendo for the topic today. I would have hate to wait for a rerun over the weekend otherwise.
god i love project runway. we finally got good cable in my apartment so i got to see it on time last night.
I believe angela calls her little flowers "fleurchands." or something.
yeah it just seemed mean to bring back her and vincent. I wish we could have seen allison and keith again. i felt like we hadn't seen enough from them. and i didn't agree with allison getting auf-ed.
Maybe you guys missed the sheer murderousness of my post. I mean, I WILL kill you. All of you.
I love Michael Knight... the contestant on PR, not the Knight Rider. His construction is the best and he bring simple elegance to a new level... still simple, but also unpredictable. Jeffrey is good at what he does, but it's too targetted. Plus, he's a dickfor.
Frendo, fashion is just another form of art and self-expression if it's done right... it has nothing to do with teenagers. They're the least fashionable things ever... I mean, except in The OC.
I wish we could have seen allison and keith again.
I loved Allison, but Keith was obnoxious. Plus he cheated. You shouldn't reward cheaters.
Just to eliminate any confusion:
Keith Michael=Cheater.
Keith Michel=Not A Cheater.
Good point Maura. His iconic outfit for the modern day Pam Grier (sp?) definitely exuded simple elegance. I do not agree with the judges decision when the designers had to go the recycling plant to obtain materials for their designs. Jeffrey should have won that challenge.
Okay, I quit my own fucking journal today.
Have fun, kids.
A wondrous thing has happened here today.
Well, since we're on a roll...
Anyone watch Big Brother: All Stars?
Chill Town Forever!
The entire indie rock scene caters to the junior high kid in all of us - that lovely mix of envy and insecurity that makes the desire to be one of the cool kids the most important goal in life.
Have truer words ever been spoken?
Also, Brendo just likes to rant. Given a sick day by himself he'd watch an entire fucking marathon of that show.
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