Big ol' happy birthday today to the most handsomest boy I know - Jordan of Fooled By April fame. While a pretty girl never reveals her age, I have it on good authority that Jordan is officially "fucking old" today. Like bone-creakin' old. Rumor has it that his body is comprised mostly of musty shredded newspapers from the 1920's. When he ejaculates, it makes a sad hissing sound followed by a "bwah bwah bwaaaaah" played by a tiny elks lodge oompah band. So happy birthday, you old old OLD man.

We're all getting old, aren't we? Did you guys know that this year's freshman college class were born in 1988? Nineteen fucking eighty-eight! Dukakis-Bush. Die Hard. WrestleMania IV. Straight Outa Compton. Head of the Class.

Sigh.

It's okay, kids. We can still rock like it's 1988, right? Just stop on by TT the Bears Place in Cambridge where Scamper will be playing your favorite hits from the 80's (ed. note: this is not remotely true) with Universal recording artists the Working Title and the "suburban parlour anthems" (ed. note: their phrase, not ours) of Duresse. We're not THAT old, right? We can still go out and rock on a Tuesday, no?