Good morning, internet commuters. Thank you for stopping by my little corner of cyberspace for a hot cup o' Brendo on your way to your dirty, dirty final destinations.
Speaking of commuting, check this article out from this morning's Boston Globe. Apparently, the MBTA (those are the folks who run the trains and buses around these parts, for those of you out-of-town readers with no ability to deduce things through the use of simple context) is trying to encourage friendly and courteous behavior amongst the passengers and staff during commuting hours by giving out gift certificates to reward acts of kindness.
Naturally, we're grumpy Bostonians, so most people's immediate reactions to this new program are along the lines of "Make the fucking trains run on time and I'll be courteous as all fuck-out." But I think accountability and the rewarding of good behavior is a good idea - I just think it doesn't go far enough. Hear the crazy man out...
Instead of free coffees from Dunkin' Donuts, courteous T commuters should receive "punch another commuter in the face consequence-free" cards. By proving to the MBTA that you are a kind and respectful individual, you are given the legal authority and moral high ground to knock that teenager on the cell phone that stole grandma's seat into next Tuesday. When the cops show up to arrest you, just present the card and go upon your merry way.
It could go even further - if you collect ten "punch in the face" cards, you can trade them in for a "kick a rude T employee in the nuts" wristband. That'll have the double-edged effect of cutting down on extraneous face punching (after all, wouldn't you rather save up you face-punches for a good nuts-kick?) and motivating the T employees to be an extremely helpful, smiley bunch of mo fos. Imagine the kind of service you'll get if you're walking around with a wrist band. I think Will Rogers said it best: "Nothing strikes the fear of God into folks like a steel-toed boot to the gonads." (Maybe it was Mark Twain, actually. I'll have to look it up.)
But there's more: if you collect 100 "punch in the face" cards or 10 "kick in the nuts" wristbands, you can turn them in for a "give the governor a titty twister in front of his/her family" certificate. Which also comes with a free blueberry muffin. Now THAT would create some gosh darn courtesy. Our trains and buses would be like little exhaust-spewing Disney Worlds.
That's the thing about me. I've got ideas.
Speaking of commuting, check this article out from this morning's Boston Globe. Apparently, the MBTA (those are the folks who run the trains and buses around these parts, for those of you out-of-town readers with no ability to deduce things through the use of simple context) is trying to encourage friendly and courteous behavior amongst the passengers and staff during commuting hours by giving out gift certificates to reward acts of kindness.
Naturally, we're grumpy Bostonians, so most people's immediate reactions to this new program are along the lines of "Make the fucking trains run on time and I'll be courteous as all fuck-out." But I think accountability and the rewarding of good behavior is a good idea - I just think it doesn't go far enough. Hear the crazy man out...
Instead of free coffees from Dunkin' Donuts, courteous T commuters should receive "punch another commuter in the face consequence-free" cards. By proving to the MBTA that you are a kind and respectful individual, you are given the legal authority and moral high ground to knock that teenager on the cell phone that stole grandma's seat into next Tuesday. When the cops show up to arrest you, just present the card and go upon your merry way.
It could go even further - if you collect ten "punch in the face" cards, you can trade them in for a "kick a rude T employee in the nuts" wristband. That'll have the double-edged effect of cutting down on extraneous face punching (after all, wouldn't you rather save up you face-punches for a good nuts-kick?) and motivating the T employees to be an extremely helpful, smiley bunch of mo fos. Imagine the kind of service you'll get if you're walking around with a wrist band. I think Will Rogers said it best: "Nothing strikes the fear of God into folks like a steel-toed boot to the gonads." (Maybe it was Mark Twain, actually. I'll have to look it up.)
But there's more: if you collect 100 "punch in the face" cards or 10 "kick in the nuts" wristbands, you can turn them in for a "give the governor a titty twister in front of his/her family" certificate. Which also comes with a free blueberry muffin. Now THAT would create some gosh darn courtesy. Our trains and buses would be like little exhaust-spewing Disney Worlds.
That's the thing about me. I've got ideas.
4 Comments:
There are dozens of gravel-voiced, scratch-off playing, bad home coloring having female MBTA employees currently punching a giant hole in your 'kick a MBTA employee in the nuts' incentive. Perhaps there could also be a 'dangle a female MBTA employee over the tracks by her ankles for a certain, to-be-determined period of time, not to result in her death, with the exception of death by natural causes or preexisting heart and/or other circulatory impairments' award?
No, I'm pretty sure even the women have nuts.
brendo for mayaahhh!!!
Dear Brendan,
I fucking love you.
<3,
Jesse
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