Last night, I dreamt a great method for getting a clown to leave you alone.

In the dream, said clown was all up in my grill. He just wouldn't take the myriad non-verbal hints that I wasn't in the mood for said clowning. Finally, I reached my boiling point and yelled, "Look, I didn't murder my wife, okay?"

In the dream, it was very effective. The clown slowly backed away, understandably frightened for his life. When I woke up, I was proud of my unconscious mind for hatching such a fool-proof plan for being left alone in a public situation. I see no reason why the effective use of this same line couldn't be expanded beyond the harrassing clown population to other people bothering you on the streets.

It's scientific experiment time. Next time that a Mormon or one of those Mass PIRG hippies starts bothering you on the street, pull out the "Look, I didn't murder my wife/husband, okay?" line. Be sure to accompany the line with the classic "crazy eyes" look. Report back to me with the data.

Warning: although I haven't done any field research on this topic, my hypothesis is that the line will NOT work on homeless/crazy people. Mentioning the word "murder" to a mentally ill person probably isn't the smartest idea. But if someone tries it, we at the Scamper labs would be fascinated to hear the results.

You know who the line really works on? Natty-suited pop stars like OK Go. I know personally I hate it when I'm just trying to walk down the street and eat my fish taco when up comes OK Go, dancing on pogo sticks and trying to sell me the newest model of vacuum cleaner. It's almost gotten cliche at this stage.

If you too are constantly bothered by major label Chicago power pop bands harrassing you on the streets, you can try out my fool proof line on Thursday at Avalon. Get your tickets hnyaw.