My favorite quote this morning from our boy Madden: "I'm eating a pastry that is so good, it's like an angel just took a dump in my mouth." Classy.

As November comes to a close, I suppose it's as good a time as any for in-depth professional football analysis. I know that's why most of you come to this site, so here are my thoughts on the state of the National Football League as we hit the home stretch:

- I didn't notice until this week that pre-game host James Brown (not to be confused with the famous R&B/funk singer Jackson Browne) had switched networks from Fox to CBS. I have watched every pre-game show all season and I just noticed this. And apparently, Fox has replaced Brown with a guy who looks a lot like him (i.e. they're both black guys in suits).

Does the fact that I didn't notice the change in hosts make me a racist? How about when I yelled the n-word five times at them during my comedy set at the Laugh Factory last week?

- Sadly, I think my fantasy sports career is over. I am officially the worst team manager ever. In past years, at least I had the excuse of the "joke team" to cover the hurt. Could I really be all that surprised when the Generals (all general studies majors in college) or Hey, Nice Johnson! (all guys named Johnson) or Captain Oreo and the Beige Riders (all black guys that looked white or white guys that looked black) performed poorly down the stretch? I'd always laugh off my shitty performances, but really, I was a crying-on-the-inside clown.

This year, I went with a team theme of "Trying to Win, Actually Pulling Off a Few Upsets in the Early Goings But Ultimately Failing Miserably." Not as funny, right? Let's face it - I tried and failed. The lesson, Homer Simpson? Say it with me: never try.

- If you watched the Patriots-Bears game, you may have noticed Tom Brady yelling out "Sarah" and "Kelly" at the line of scrimage. I'd like to think that he wasn't actually calling plays by code names, but bragging to his teammates about which particular Chicago cheerleaders had slaked his manly yens during halftime. Brady is the balls. (See - you don't get this sort of post-game analysis on any of the networks. Okay, maybe Fox.)

- The Bears and Colts aren't as good as their records indicate. If I there were a gun to my head, I'd have to predict a Cowboys-Ravens Super Bowl, but I'd also likely soil myself. You know, if someone had a gun to my head. That would be really scary and traumatic.

Any other Jimmy the Greeks out there want to argue with me or make some racist remarks about black players' superior thighs?