Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but I am so delightful, blah-blah-blah blah blah blooo, let it snoo, let it snoo, let is snoo...
It's the first snow of the season this morning and I was late for work. That's right, even the miniscule amount of slushy snow that wasn't even manly enough to collect on the ground was enough cause for me to be late. Tis the season, yadda yadda.
In other news, I have heard the rumors of a groundswell of grass roots support urging President Bush to nominate me for the position of Ambassador to the United Nations after John Bolton tendered his resignation. While I appreciate the support, I want to nip this in the bud right now, before anyone spends millions of dollars on opposition research to smite my enemies. There are several reasons why I really can't take on this job.
First, I just don' t have the time. What with my day job, graduate school, my band and my highly illegal Serbian mail-order bride/assassin business (not brides and assassins, but brides who are assassins), I simply don't have enough hours in the day to smile and play diplomatic grab-ass with a bunch of funny-talking dignitaries in gay-ass red sashes.
Oh, and also - I hate foreigners. Especially the funny-talking ones. This job might not be for me. But seriously - learn to speak proper American, Mushmouth Annan.
It's all a moot point anyway - I'll never get past the Senate confirmation process thanks to a lingering grudge from Delaware Senator Joe Biden. I'm telling you - you dip your balls in a guy's egg nog in front of his elderly mother at a Washington Christmas party once and it's a big to-do. Jeez, Senator. Let it go - I was flying on mescaline. Cut me some slack.
Don't let Biden's appearances on Bill Maher and Jon Stewart fool you - the guy's just not that "cool." The "balls in the egg nog" bit killed at the Gore fundraiser. You just cost yourself a primary vote, Senator.
So while I am flattered by all your support and cash donations, please don't waste any more of your energy lobbying me into this position. If nominated, I will only abuse my position to receive immunity from New York City's fascist "no punching homeless people in the face" laws and possibly change the national bird of Guatemala to Doug the Penguin.
In the third paragraph of this journal, I first accidentally typed "Ambassador to the United Nates." True story.
It's the first snow of the season this morning and I was late for work. That's right, even the miniscule amount of slushy snow that wasn't even manly enough to collect on the ground was enough cause for me to be late. Tis the season, yadda yadda.
In other news, I have heard the rumors of a groundswell of grass roots support urging President Bush to nominate me for the position of Ambassador to the United Nations after John Bolton tendered his resignation. While I appreciate the support, I want to nip this in the bud right now, before anyone spends millions of dollars on opposition research to smite my enemies. There are several reasons why I really can't take on this job.
First, I just don' t have the time. What with my day job, graduate school, my band and my highly illegal Serbian mail-order bride/assassin business (not brides and assassins, but brides who are assassins), I simply don't have enough hours in the day to smile and play diplomatic grab-ass with a bunch of funny-talking dignitaries in gay-ass red sashes.
Oh, and also - I hate foreigners. Especially the funny-talking ones. This job might not be for me. But seriously - learn to speak proper American, Mushmouth Annan.
It's all a moot point anyway - I'll never get past the Senate confirmation process thanks to a lingering grudge from Delaware Senator Joe Biden. I'm telling you - you dip your balls in a guy's egg nog in front of his elderly mother at a Washington Christmas party once and it's a big to-do. Jeez, Senator. Let it go - I was flying on mescaline. Cut me some slack.
Don't let Biden's appearances on Bill Maher and Jon Stewart fool you - the guy's just not that "cool." The "balls in the egg nog" bit killed at the Gore fundraiser. You just cost yourself a primary vote, Senator.
So while I am flattered by all your support and cash donations, please don't waste any more of your energy lobbying me into this position. If nominated, I will only abuse my position to receive immunity from New York City's fascist "no punching homeless people in the face" laws and possibly change the national bird of Guatemala to Doug the Penguin.
In the third paragraph of this journal, I first accidentally typed "Ambassador to the United Nates." True story.
2 Comments:
Doug the Penguin. I forgot about him.
I first accidentally typed "Ambassador to the United Nates."
My doppelgangers and I have no interest in negotiating with you.
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