January sure flew by, didn't it? We're 1/12th through 2006 already! Can you believe it? OMG!

February is bringing some exciting stuff in the world of Scamper. The Scamper Podcast launches in just five days. I know you're all soaking in moist curiosity as to what this whole podcast thing is all about. But you're just going to have to wait until Monday. Sorry. There's no crying in podcasts.

All right, I'll give you a little sneak preview: Episode 1 of the Scamper Podcast will feature an exclusive interview with the lovely and talented Ms. Kay Hanley.

That's it. That's all I'm giving you. You'll have to wait for Monday, puppies.

In other news, I'm trying my best to start a self-serving war of words with the much more successful Robby Roadsteamer over at the The Comedy Studio board. As you can tell by the thread hnyaw, it's not going all that well. I really shouldn't start insult fights with professional comedians. Anyone got any good ammo for me?

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I spent the entire two days vascillating between record-setting consumption of both NyQuil and DayQuil, depending on my sleeping needs. I think I got a combined 40 hours of sleep over the 48 hours. Nice.

It's been discussed a bit over on the Scamper message board, so I thought I'd finally chime in with my thoughts on the MTV show Made for which we auditioned and failed miserably. The producers ended up going with Frank Pino from the band Waltham. Coincidentally, Frank actually ended up auditioning right after we did, so we set the bar nice and low for him. You're welcome, Frank.

After seeing the show, I'm positive the producers made the right choice by not choosing us. They were looking for "rock star attitude," of which no member of Scamper has even an ounce. We would have been giggling like nitrous oxide-inhaling hyenas the ENTIRE time. Sadly, every one of us was tragically born without the gene that causes you to take anything seriously. It would have been a nightmare for the poor producers.

Overall, I think Frank did a great job. I've been a big fan of the show Made for a while now and this episode didn't disappoint. So congratulations Frank and Waltham and don't worry - Scamper will be trying to glom off your success very soon. It's. What. We. Do.

Plus - a very happy belated birthday to Miss Stacy. When you're ooooooooo-old, when you're ooooo-old, nobody will knoooo-ow...

As some of you know, I'm going back to school to get all educamacated and shit. Most of the classes I take are generally a mix of grads and undergrads, so it can be a wide range of ages. However, this semester's class is very undergrad-heavy. Besides the professor, I'm clearly the oldest guy in the class by a good 9 years... which can lead to some interesting situations, as it did this morning:

I had a note passed to me.

Seriously. I think I have to go back to my freshman year of high school to remember the last time I had a note passed back to me during a class. If memory serves, the classic "Do you like me? Check Yes or No" query was responded to with a resounding "No" by Kelly, the cute new girl that had just transfered into my school. She may have even added an exclamation point for emphasis. Fucking Kelly.

Today's note wasn't nearly that juicy. She had some snide remark about the professor in her head and apparently she just needed to share it. I don't think I was singled out specifically for any particular reason other than the fact that I happened to be sitting right next to her. Still, she passed me a note. It was bizarre. I didn't even really respond. I just looked at her with an expression on my face reading "Did you just pass me a note? Are you fucking kidding? That really just happened?"

I briefly tried to revive the note-passing craze in bars last year. Joe and I were watching a band and I wrote him a note, reading:

"I think I'd poke the bass player chick even though she's a little sloppy. Would you poke the bass player chick even though she's a little sloppy?

[ ] Yes
[ ] No"

Joe wrote his own choice:

"[X] I hope you have a stroke."

We all make choices, people. Have a good weekend.

Thanks so much for all who stuck around for our late night Wednesday show at the Paradise Lounge last night. You're all troopers of the super variety. For those of you who don't know how to swing, some highlights:

- Nate and I open the evening by double parking on Comm Ave at 6pm to load my bass cab (approximately 12 million pounds) out of the car and through the snow banks into the club. Not as much fun as it sounds, but par for the course for show night. Nate drives off to look for parking while I bring the cab inside... only to find out that the bands are sharing gear. So Nate has to turn around on Comm Ave (which isn't possible until you hit that one intersection about 1200 miles down the road somewhere around Topeka, Kansas) so we can load the cab back into the car in the snow bank double parked in rush hour traffic. Conversely, that is as much fun as it sounds.

- Colin Meloy from the Decembrists was playing in the big room next to us at the Paradise, a fact that prompted Mike to be way more excited than he's ever been for an evening playing with Scamper. After scheming, planning and drawing up a few crude blueprints, he managed to get into the show. When he was gone for a few hours, we figured he just joined the Decembrists, never to been heard from again. He came back to the club just in time for the show. Luckily, Nate had made up a special set list for him - with all Decembrists songs on it.

- The bands were all terrific. Max Heinegg warmed us all up with some mellow acoustic rock and managed to make it through the entire set without pulling out pictures of his baby daughter. That's quite an accomplishment for Max. Then, Derek Schanche brought some old-time alt.country to the room (Maybe it's alt.country - I don't know anything about music designations. He had a double bass player and a lap steel player - that's got to be alt.country, right?) And of course the ultra-talented Will Dailey tore the house down with his amazing, soulful voice. Just a really great bill of music of which it was fun to be a part.

- The Paradise Lounge doesn't offer drink tickets to bands, but there is a backstage "V.I.P." area ("Very Iffy People") that has a cooler of beers for the musicians. Predictably, this system leads to a free beer free-for-all that would make coyotes blush. Last night, I probably won the beer drinking contest (with 2 kajillion Budweisiers), closely followed by Derek Schanche's saxophone player (1 and a half kajillion Budweisers).

- When we hit the stage, I was pleased with the stage sound and (more importantly) thrilled at how many diehard people had decided to stick around that late on a Wednesday night. The crowd was energetic and the vocal mix was perfect in my monitors - I just had the best time. I don't think it was the 2 kajillion beers, either.

After the show, I said to Nate, "I think that was the best show I've ever played," to which he responded, "I had a TERRIBLE show." Apparently, all the good mix and perfect balance of sounds was reserved for my side of the stage. All Nate got in his mix were drums and the occasional punch in the neck. Oh well, you win some you lose some, I guess.

Thanks again for all who came out. We had a blast.

Should be a really fun show tonight at the Paradise Lounge. Our old buddy Max Heinegg will open the night, followed by Derek Schanche from the band Senor Happy. It's part of Will Dailey's residency, so it'll be a fun, well-rounded evening of rock and roll music and traditional family values without all this "questioning gender roles" and "let's go cry at the premiere of Brokeback Mountain" that's been swarming our countryside like some sort of fruity plague lately.

In sad but not all that surprising news, actor Chris Penn was found dead this morning. Although his brother Sean got most of the attention, Chris was a good actor in his own right, bringing his unique style to such classics as Reservoir Dogs, At Close Range and of course Footloose.

Clearly, Penn has been on a road to self-destruction for a loooong time. A few years ago when I was participating in a celebrity death pool (you pick celebrities who you think are going to die and get more points for the younger they are), Penn was my go-to guy. 40 years old, about 150 lbs overweight and a complete alcoholic. Quite frankly, he hung on for longer than I thought he would.

One time, I was in a bar around noon on a weekday near the beach in Santa Monica, California when Chris Penn walked in, looking bloated, sunburned and hazy. He walked up and nodded at the bartender who poured him two shots of whiskey. Chris downed the whiskeys in two gulps and headed out the door without paying, presumably back to the beach. The bartender told me, "He does that about ten times a day." A sad existence that has come to a premature but perhaps merciful end.

Then again, I was at the same bar at noon on a weekday. Maybe you guys should start picking me for your death pools. I'm worth big-time points. See you tonight.

In preparation for the podcast launch on February 6, I've been listening to a bunch of podcasts online. I've got to admit - before this whole Scamper Podcast idea came along, I didn't even know what the christ a podcast even was. But after very little nosing around on the ole world wide boogie, I found a few good ones:

- The Ricky Gervais Show: I'm sure many of you may recognize the name as the co-creator and star of the British show The Office, a.k.a The Funniest Show Ever Made Ever Ever Ever. But Ricky actually got his comedy start in radio in England. He has returned to radio with his partner Stephen Merchant and his producer Karl Pilkington, perhaps one of the most hilariously stupid/insane radio personalities in history. It is now officially the #1 podcast in the world. Pay special attention to the Monkey News.

- Radio Free Burrito: Since the emergence of the internet, one could argue that Wil Wheaton has become the first and perhaps biggest "internet star." Yes, he was famous as a child actor from the movie Stand By Me and the TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation, but Wheaton really came into his own on his blog wil wheaton dot net (now in exile hnyaw). His sometimes humorous, sometimes intense but always candid writing style has earned him an enormous and loyal following. He brings that same sensibility to his podcast - low fi, personal and usually fascinating. It's like you're right there with him when he goes on auditions, talks about his family and nerds it up big time. A must listen for geeks and non-geeks alike.

- The Sound of Young America: Jesse Thorn hosts this public radio show out of Santa Cruz. Although they cover a wide range of topics, there's a focus on comedy, with interviews with many of the great comics of today. If you get as physically aroused as I do about interviews with Patton Oswalt, Louis CK and Sarah Silverman, this is your show.

So there you go - three podcasts you can go check out to get your iPods and Mp3 players all warmed up for the Scamper Podcast release. As an added bonus, these podcasts set a standard for entertainment and professionalism to which we can't possibly live up. So there's that.

Don't forget the Paradise Lounge show tomorrow with Will Dailey. Last show for a little bit.

Good morning, my little snow bunnies. Weather like this makes me want to hang out by the crackling fire at some overpriced ski chalet with Jack Tripper and his buddy Larry Appleton, sipping overpriced cinammon apple cider and having hilarious misunderstandings and comedies of errors ending with the line "White powder? I thought you said white power!" and then throwing our heads back in uproarious laughter, pausing just enough for the words "Executive Producer: Peter Engels" to scroll across the screen. Yes, I'd say it's just that sort of morning.

But as tempting as it is to bask in my twisted escapist 80's TV-fueled fantasy world, actual reality in Scamperworld these days is so great that it almost makes you want to stay sober. Almost. It turns out that, contrary to the scientific study done by Nerd Science Quarterly last year, Scamper is officially Not Lame. Not Lame Recordings is a very cool company that specializes in connecting bands like us with the kind of people who would really dig bands like us. So we're psyched to be a part of the lineup over there.

And of course there's the big show coming up on Wednesday with handsome wunderkind Will Dailey over at the Paradise Lounge. From what I hear from the ladies and the homosexual gentlemen, Will is quite the tasty snack of eye candy - he was actually named one of Boston's most eligible bachelors last year in the Globe or something. I personally think he's got nothing on our Nate, who has been proven to be such a sexy beast that he is actually in the process of growing a grotesque beard to keep the ladies away. Watch the hunks battle it out on Wednesday!

Sorry if you guys were waiting - I forgot to mention yesterday that my Friday morning entries will be later than usual because of a class I'm taking. Some of you get downright cranky when I'm late with a journal entry or I miss a day unannounced, so I'm giving you fair warning: Fridays will be spotty at best. So suck on that.

Speaking of neglect, I have been careless in not mentioning our show coming up on Wednesday (Jan. 25) at the Paradise Lounge with Will Dailey. I've always found the Paradise Lounge to be a really cool room - the sound is great and there's good food - great place to see a show. Plus, we're really looking forward to hooking up with Will, a Scamper buddy from way the F back. It'll be a fun way to spend an otherwise uneventful Wednesday night in January. So come on out.

In other news, I got a free episode of Runner Magazine in the mail yesterday. At the risk of plagarizing George Carlin too badly ("Article one: Putting One Foot In Front of the Other"), I was of course struck by the stupidity of having an entire magazine about something people have been doing since the dawn of time without any sort of magazine help whatsoever.

But more importantly - I'm officially on someone's "healthy life" mailing list. I assume it's from when I ran the 5K last October. What a change in lifestyle this has been. This time last year, I was on the mailing list for Guys Who Like to Stuff As Many Donut Holes In Their Mouth at the Same Time magazine. Don't laugh - they had a great interview with Norman Mailer in the July 2002 issue.

Note: for that last joke, I was going to research whether a) Norman Mailer is alive and b) whether he was alive in July 2002. But screw it - it's Friday. Have a good weekend, monkeys.

I owe you all an apology. I was so excited about announcing the Scamper Podcast that I neglected to talk about a piece of news that shook up the world as we know it: Gunnar Nelson has joined the cast of Celebrity Fit Club 3.

Gunnar Nelson. Celebrity Fit Club. I'm going to let that one sink in for a second.

Don't get me wrong. I will miss the drunken, painkiller-addicted Jeff Conaway like you wouldn't believe. He packed a season's worth of toddler-like tantrums and medicated slurring into just two episodes. But, like the aurora borealis, he only shined for us for a brief, fleeting moment. Bravo, Mr. Conaway. You will be missed.

I have high hopes for Gunnar Nelson, though. He's already said that he was the "fat twin" in Nelson. That's a good start. Why does every pair of celebrity twins have one that's so much fucking fatter than the other, like that porkball Ashley Olsen?

Gunnar has serious entertainment potential. In future episodes, we will learn about his body issues and his multiple plastic surgeries. And as we learned from Jani Lane last season, nothing spells schaudenfreude like a fallen 80's hair metal frontman that's put on a few pounds. The future's so bright I've got to wear shades.

In the immortal words of Jack Black in Anchorman: "Now this is happening."

Coming soon to your awaiting ears: the Scamper Podcast.

You may have some questions right off the bat, so let me try to answer as many of them as I can, and yet still manage to accommodate your extremely short attention spans.

What is a podcast?

Well, it's whatever you want it to be. Okay, that's a crap answer. A podcast is like a radio show. You can subscribe to the podcast and every time we post a new one, it will automatically download to your iTunes or whatever you use. You can listen to it whereever - in your car, at the gym, at work or at those always-boring parole hearings.

Why is Scamper doing a podcast?

Basically, one of Scamper's favorite things to do is to make appearances on the radio. We have a blast and our fans (We do too have fans. Jerk.) seem to enjoy it a bunch whenever we do it. The problem is this - the ratio of how much Scamper wants the radio to how much the radio wants Scamper is WAY out of whack. So we're making our own radio.

What is Scamper going to do on this podcast?

At this stage, I'd say it will likely be 97% Keith giving instructions on effective barrel-making. The rest will probably be just recordings of goats farting on each other. No, we'll have similar content to this website - some fun stuff, some comedy, some interviews, some music from bands in the local scene. Mostly just us talking to hear ourselves talk. It's sure to be a very self-involved, masturbatory experience for all.

Music, writing, podcasting - Scamper are really all around entertainers. It's like you're the modern-day Rat Pack or something!

True, although we're all Peter Lawford - mediocre British actors who are only allowed to hang out with the cool kids because of our connection to the Kennedy family.

Let's talk logistics. When is this podcast going to happen? How often are you going to post new ones?

For right now, the plan is for Season 1 of the Scamper Podcast to debut the Monday after the Superbowl (February 6). The season is scheduled for twelve weekly episodes with a cliffhanger ending, probably involving someone sleeping with someone else's mom like on The OC.

That sounds like a lot of fun.

Was there a question in there?

No, I'm just saying it seems like a good idea. I can't wait until the Scamper Podcast debuts.

You know what? I don't need your pity enthusiasm. If you think it's a dumb idea, don't listen. Just don't patronize me with your faux-supportive bullshit.

Jesus, man - why are you being such a jerk about this?

Because that, as Jack Black in Anchorman would say, is how Scamper rolls.

Hope you all had a nice long weekend and didn't get assassinated for leading the charge for civil rights or anything. Because that would be weird as fuck.

As for Nate and I, we basked in the glitz and glamour of the Maxie Awards (the year-end awards that The Noise gives out) at the Middle East on Sunday afternoon. Some highlights:

- As much as we love all the love and support you Scamper fans give us, I must say one thing: you guys SUCK at internet voting. Just terrible. We didn't win a damn thing. I can't tell you how disappointed we are in you. Really. Tsk tsk.

- The one category we thought we had a shot at was "Biggest Disappointment of the Year" for losing the Hanson contest (another contest for which you guys didn't vote hard enough. Hmm... I'm starting to sense a theme here). We lost to "Ashley Simpson Headlines NEMO." That's right, not only did we lose - we lost to Ashley Simpson. I was so upset and embarrassed that I did a little jig.

- Nate presented an award with the very zexxxy Kara from the band Fluttr Effect. Nate did a very funny "I'm reading awkwardly from the teleprompter even though there's clearly no teleprompter" bit. Kara responded by licking his neck like the little sex kitten she apparently is. It was, in a word, weird. But in Nate's words, completely awesome.

- If you thought the Oscars tend to run a bit long, try getting a room full of local musicians in a room with a microphone. Hoo daddy. It was almost an HOUR before they gave out the first award. And this wasn't an hour of planned material or performance or anything like that. Oh no no - it was a series of inside jokes being shouted back and forth from the stage to the audience. For. An. HOUR. Goddamn.

- As I was standing next to Robby Roadsteamer in the wings, we had the following exchange:

Robby: "Any member of my band that didn't show up for this thing is dead to me."
Me: "See, I'm firing any member of my band that DID show up. Including me."

- As the night dragged on, it became clear that Scamper wasn't bringing home any of the coveted hardware. Then, I sensed my opportunity - the "Highlight of the Year" award went to "Dinosaur Jr. Reunites." I jumped up on stage, grabbed the award and said "Thank you so much - Dinosaur Jr. audiences are the best!" and jumped off. You see in life, some people sit around and wait until they win awards. Other people just go take them. It's a lesson for you all.

By the way, if any members of Dinosaur Jr. want their award, they can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Big announcement tomorrow about some fun stuff coming up for Scamper Nation.

Okay, I had to post this. I really had no choice. Yesterday on our myspace page, our old practice space buddies Harris posted this pic on our page:



The message? Simply "Miss you guys!" Ah, the always-disturbing world of rock and roll music.

I'm going to be off tomorrow to stretch my three-day weekend into an unprecedented FOUR day affair. I'll be back on Tuesday with more fun fun fun, including an official announcement on Scamper's big upcoming project. Probably.

Have a good weekend and remember - I know you think you're honoring Martin Luther King Jr. by parading around Harvard Square in minstrel-era blackface, but most people won't really take it as a tribute. Trust me on this one - learned it the hard way. See you soon.

Hoo daddy - is Scamper planning something fun for y'all or what? The details are still being worked out, so I don't want to blow our proverbial wad quite yet. But very soon, we'll have an announcement that will rock your bloomers off. We're going to entertain your sorry asses in a whole new way. So stay tuned.

But on to other business - it is a well-documented fact in some circles that I am a big ol' nerd. I always have been a nerd and by the looks of my hiked-up trousers, taped glasses and rainbow suspenders, I always will be a nerd. To this day, I can't walk by a frat house without this guy yelling at me:



Last week, a group of friends were discussing over email which one amongst them was the biggest nerd. They mentioned their extensive knowledge of Atari 2600 games, Star Trek, etc. I let it go for a while, but then I was forced to step in:

There is NONE of you who has my nerd credentials. Don't believe me? Let's examine:

1) I still watch wrestling religiously every Monday night.

2) I was almost impeached as president of the Latin club in high school. It's true - there were secret meetings in which my impeachment was discussed.

3) I have actual plans in two weeks to play a role playing game (Dungeons and Dragons style) with my high school friends. What's more, I'm VERY excited about these plans. I spent 2 days writing an extensive backstory for my character. That's right.

4) I am in the band Scamper.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. If any of you can come CLOSE to competing with my nerd pedigree, please step forward.

I didn't think so.

The gauntlet has been thrown. Anyone out there have the guts to challenge me in a nerd-off? [Note: Pete Galea is excluded from this challenge, as he outnerds even the nerdiest of nerds.]

It's been a few weeks, so I feel a little bad not having gotten to this important subject sooner, but I'll say it: this season's version of Celebreality on VH1 has been ooooooooooooooutstanding so far. They're really bringing it to the next tier over at VH1.

First off, Jeff Conaway's performance on Celebrity Fit Club 3 has been Hall of Fame caliber to this point. We're talking Bonaduce level. In the first two weeks, he's already had several meltdowns, shown up under the influence and pulled a classic "I was on Taxi - one of the biggest shows of all time!" hissy fit. Top notch all around.

My only concern is that, judging from the previews of next week's episode, Conaway is fixing to burn out way too quickly. I have a feeling we won't be seeing him much after this Sunday, as they hinted he is going to be hospitalized. Oh, Jeff - we hardly knew ye. I just don't think we can count on Kelly LeBrock and Tempest Bledsoe to notch up the drama like you can. All that's left for me watching the show is the ever-present internal debate over whether I'd throw that chubby Countess chick from The Parkers a poke (the answer to this point? A resounding yes.)

The trainwreck doesn't end there, folks. Next up, we have The Flavor of Love. I'm going to do a quick impression of the meeting at VH1 that created this show:

TV Asshole #1: I've got an idea for the greatest television show of all time. How about The Bachelor starring Flavor Flav?
TV Asshole #2: With 20 beautiful women vying for his affection?
TV Asshole #1: No, no - here's the genius part. They'll be the most busted-ass, old-stripper, gold-digging awful group of women that have ever appeared on television.
TV Asshole #2: Interesting. Won't Flav be mad that we got him all gross women?
TV Asshole #1: The man was attracted to Bridgitte Nielsen.
TV Asshole #2: Touche. It sounds like the finest idea I've ever heard.
[They kiss.]

It's really hard to pick a favorite part of this show. I must say I very much enjoy the screaming fights between these "ladies" - in Sunday's episode, one of the many arguments culminated in one woman screaming in the other one's face: "You're a demon! You're a demon!" Well played, good madam. Well played.

And of course, there's Mr. Flav himself - always entertaining and unique. He somehow combines ridiculousness and sincerity and childlike innocence and juvenile temper tantrums all in one little package. It still blows my mind that this man was a key part in one of the most socially relevant, groundbreaking music groups of all time. The interesting thing about it is that he acted exactly the same way as he does now, but it was rendered with all this meaning in the context of these militant hip hop revolutionaries. Anyway, always a joy to watch him work.

But I think my favorite part of the whole show has got to be the interview segments where the women accuse each other of being fake and "not really being here for Flav." These accusations are kind of like watching a pile of crap accuse a pile of sewage of smelling funky. It's so far beyond irony that it almost ceases to exist, in some weird cosmic way. As you can see, this show brings out the deep thinker in me.

No matter which way you slice it, Flavor of Love puts a giant grin on my face from beginning to end. Now, you know what time it is.

Time for a belated recap of Thursday night's show with Kay Hanley at TT the Bear's:

- As is our pre-show ritual, we treked to the local CVS to procure Vitamin Waters for the stage. Tragically, they were out of stock. Then, we came up with a brilliant idea - wouldn't it be funny if we were all drinking Goya mango nectar on stage? Done and done. Of course, there were two problems with this plan: a) it's not really that funny and b) if you're singing, jumping around and sweating on stage, the last thing you want to put down your gullet is sticky, thick mango nectar. Disastrous, people.

- There was definitely that "big show buzz" in the air all day long leading up to the show. It's always a fun, exciting night when Kay comes back to town. Add to this the fact that Scamper hadn't played a show in over a month and we were downright itching to hit the stage. As showtime approached, the generalized itching turned more into a slight burning sensation and painful urination. We quickly slathered each other up with calamine lotion and hit the stage.

- The show itself was just tremendous. One of the more fun shows we've had in recent memory. It was one of those shows that flew by in what seemed like seconds. The sound was good on stage (not always the case at TT's) and we felt like we played well. Most importantly, you guys in the audience were just terrific. Warm, responsive - just a great, fun set for us.

- The highlight of the set was definitely Ms. Kay Hanley herself joining us on stage for "Barcelona." I may have mentioned this before, but Kay has got to be the leading contender for this year's "Nicest Person in the History of the Universe" competition. In fact, I'd say she's a shoo-in. It's rare when you meet someone so kind and generous. It's impossible to quantify the amazing help she's been to our band. I say this without a trace of ass-kissing - it's really an honor to know her. Oh, and she kicked absolute booty on stage that night.

- After the show, I was told by a Scamp who shall remain nameless that since I lost all the weight, I don't have an ass anymore. Understandably, I was not happy to hear this, as I have always prized my apple-firm posterior. It is my "money maker," as it were. Desperate to challenge her assertion, I let her get two solid handsful of the other white meat. "You've got nothing," she responded, her hands firmly on my tush, "I got a wallet in my left and nothing in my right." Needless to say, it was a sad day in Tushieland.

- As a final note, I found this in the "Missed Connections" section of Craigslist the next morning:

MC with you showing up tonight - w4m

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2006-01-06, 3:09AM EST


I wish you had shown up.
It could have been beautiful.
Wild.
It still can be.

I do want you, you know... and I'm pretty sure you'd get what you want.

Well, I know it wasn't me because, well - I did show up that night. So if this was intended for someone out there in Scamperland and I helped you get a belated booty call, you're welcome. When you're enjoying your beautiful, wild monkey sex, just take a moment and think of me. I'm sure that will help you last a little longer.

Thanks to all who joined us at TT the Bear's last night for the fun fun fun Kay Hanley/Scamper split single release party. Once again, you guys overwhelm us with joy and satisfaction when you give us the privelege of performing for you.

I will give you a full breakdown and recap on Monday, as I am currently recovering from a first-thing-in-the-morning HR training session at work. It's amazing how quickly my life turns around - 12 hours ago, I was basking in the rock and roll lovefest in front of a packed house. 12 minutes ago, I was listening to some customer service trainer give me tips on "Dealing with Difficult People." Guess what? I'm on three hours sleep, having my intelligence insulted by a shoddy power point presenter in pleated pants. I'm a difficult person. It was all I could do to not throw a stale bagel through her corporate jargon-spewing face.

Okay, I'm back with you. Went off the rails for a second there.

While we're thanking people and things, thanks to WFNX for making "Barcelona" their New England Product spotlight song last night. Our boy DJ Dave Duncan has been very good to us - be sure to give his show a listen on Sunday nights at 10pm on 101.7FM.

Tick tock... tick tock... tick tock... that's time running out on you to get your tickets for tonight's show. TT the Bear's Place. Show starts at 10pm. Get there early or get shut the f out.

Scamper is officially well-oiled and ready for this show. We successfully performed the unprecedented "two nights of rehearsal in a row without murdering each other" maneuver last night. It was styling like a mo fo. We are ready to bring da noize and perhaps, if you're good little doobies and eat all your vegetables before dessert, da phunk.

During rehearsal, we were discussing how funny it would be if we decided in the middle of tonight's show just to throw it all away in one fell swoop. All the years we've worked to build a fanbase and get our music out there could be completely tossed out the window by one little bit of off-color stage banter, such as:

"Hey everybody, thanks for coming out to TT's tonight. Thanks so much to Kay Hanley for having us tonight. We really appreciate everyone coming and we hope you had fun. We're Scamper. White power!"

And then walk off the stage. In utter silence. It'd almost be worth it never to play another show again just to see the looks on your gap-mawed faces. See you all tonight.

No worries, everyone - Scamper has all its parts in working order. Last night, we finally got together after a long holiday break and played some rock and roll in the cold, bug-ridden basement. And while the actual music was a little on the rusty side, I'm happy to report that we are arguing at an eighth grade level once again. In other words, everything is back to normal. All systems go for the TT's show tomorrow night. Get your tickets, pooh bears!

And now on to the funniest thing I read on the internet yesterday, this time courtesy of the AOL page that pops up when you log in to instant messenger. It has all sorts of news and entertainment stories to read. So yesterday, a picture of Tom Brady appears on my screen with the headline:

"Tom Brady: 3500+ yards and counting"

Fine for a sports story so far, until we reach the sub-headline:

"Is he some kind of robot? A sexy robot!"

This is an actual headline for a story about football and the playoffs. I just love it when marketing assholes try to play to different demographics. I can just see the meeting:

"Okay, we know that men are into sports. So a picture of Brady will rope them in. But how can we appeal to women? I know - talk about how sexy he is! Women are idiots! They couldn't possibly like football for anything other than Brady's sexy buns. Okay, and... BREAK!" (In my fantasy, the marketing people have all their meetings in huddles.)

More importantly, to me there's something inherently funny about putting the words "sexy" and "robot" together. Come to think of it, if you add pretty much any adjective to the word "robot," it becomes funny. Let's try a few:

"angry robot"

"creamy robot"

"Jewish robot"

I think I've found an airtight formula for comedy. Can anyone disprove me?

3... 2... 1... Happy New... too late? Damn it! I miss everything!

I hope everyone had a happy and fruitful New Year's Eve, fraught with sloppily kissing a moderately attractive stranger, followed by your third strike DUI. I'm sure 2006 will work out better for you, champ.

Scamper, on the other hand, is kicking off 2006 in Big Time Hollywood Style with a show at TT the Bear's with Kay Hanley THIS THURSDAY! Like, two days from now! Can you believe it? I know I can't - the four members of Scamper haven't even been in the same room together since December 2, 2005. I wonder if we'll be rusty? I wonder if we'll be able to recapture that elusive rock chemistry after a month off? Are the rumors about Mike's off-season cosmetic surgery true? So many questions.

Just to be clear - this show on Thursday WILL sell out. Kay comes back to town once a year or so and it's always a hot ticket. If you get your tickets in the next couple of days, you should be okay. But you can't say I didn't warn you - I don't want to get your desperate phone call on Thursday night saying, "Brendan, I want to go to the show so bad, but I waited until the last minute. Please let me in - I'm totally willing to partake in the most depraved of intimate acts with you." Sorry, Uncle Bob. No dice.

What's that? Can't wait for the split CD we're releasing with Kay on Thursday? Then get your PayPal out of your wallet, kiddies. Get this - it's already available! Right. Hnyaw!