I'll take a 3 for 4 in football picks if it means the Pats get to go on to the AFC championship game against Peyton "Everyone Has Done a Complete 180 and Will Pick the Colts At Home To Win and NOW I'll Choke" Manning. Hee hee.
Being the insecure idiot manchild that I am, I spent most of Sunday night and Monday bragging to my girlfriend Arielle (who doesn't care a lick about football) about going 6 for 8 in playoff picks so far. I don't want to get into details, but there may have been an "I'm awesome at football picks" dance involved. After enduring my smug superiority, she suggested a new career direction for me:
Arielle: You should be a professional gambler, honey.
Me: You really care about my well being, don't you?
Arielle: Well apparently, you're really good at it. Or at least that's what you've been talking and dancing about for the past 14 straight hours.
Me: I don't think I'd be any good at picks if there was any real money on the line, because I'm a giant pussy.
Arielle: You shouldn't waste your talent. You should be one of those guys that picks the teams for other people to bet on. What do you call those guys?
Me: The Mob?
Arielle: Yeah. That sound perfect for you.
Later in the day, I found a hefty life insurance policy taken out on me hidden in her room. Hmmmmm...
Being the insecure idiot manchild that I am, I spent most of Sunday night and Monday bragging to my girlfriend Arielle (who doesn't care a lick about football) about going 6 for 8 in playoff picks so far. I don't want to get into details, but there may have been an "I'm awesome at football picks" dance involved. After enduring my smug superiority, she suggested a new career direction for me:
Arielle: You should be a professional gambler, honey.
Me: You really care about my well being, don't you?
Arielle: Well apparently, you're really good at it. Or at least that's what you've been talking and dancing about for the past 14 straight hours.
Me: I don't think I'd be any good at picks if there was any real money on the line, because I'm a giant pussy.
Arielle: You shouldn't waste your talent. You should be one of those guys that picks the teams for other people to bet on. What do you call those guys?
Me: The Mob?
Arielle: Yeah. That sound perfect for you.
Later in the day, I found a hefty life insurance policy taken out on me hidden in her room. Hmmmmm...
15 Comments:
Didn't you just pick the teams with the best regular season and head-to-head records? Because without actually looking at the standings--because football is even more boring than work--it looks like you just picked the teams with the best regular season and head-to-head records, including picking San Diego over your own hometown team, you knave.
Umm... no. Baltimore had a better record than Indy.
Jerk.
Yes, but the last time Baltimore beat the Colts, I was 25, and I'm pretty sure the Ravens played the Rhein Fire twice in the second half of their season. I think I heard that on I Love New York last night.
Troy Brown!
Football!
Vin, go 6 for 8 in anything other than fudge consumption and then you get to criticize my picks.
Troy Brown single-handedly saved the game with that heads-up play when he stripped the receiver after Brady tossed (another) INT.
Yes, Nate. Football.
I've caught seven of the last eight episodes of Top Chef. Who's livin' an alternative lifestyle now, sweetness?
Go Knicks!
I don't know what you're bragging about. A blind monkey could have had a 4 for 8 record, and you're just half way between a blind monkey and a perfect record. You're as close to a blind monkey as you're to a really good picker. Plus, you went against your home team, what a loser.
Plus, you went against your home team, what a loser.
I think we discovered this during baseball season.
Plus, you went against your home team, what a loser.
I think we discovered this during baseball season.
I believe it was also established that you two are batshit crazy.
And I was right about the Yankees winning the division, by the way.
I believe it was also established that you two are batshit crazy.
Maybe, but we're loyal.
Traitor.
Maybe, but we're loyal.
Let's take a look at the Oxford English Dictionary definition of "prediction," shall we?
prediction 1. a. The action of predicting or foretelling future events; also, an instance of this, a prophecy.
Hmmm... that's weird. It doesn't make any reference to really really really really wanting something to happen. It's almost as if a prediction and a wish are two completely different things.
But that can't be possible. That would mean someone could actually have the thought "I'm rooting for the Pats, but I think the Chargers are going to win" in their heads. How could someone have such a nuanced and complex thought process?
Really? You must have an outdated version.
I got:
prediction: the act of Brendan betting against his local NFL team and losing said bet, then being bitter about it. Also see: Unloyal Cranky Pants
You should really update your dictionary.
and by unloyal, I clearly mean disloyal.
Once again, I get defeated by solid logic. Why must I get outwitted on my own journal?
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