With the off week before the Super Bowl, this is the first Friday in a while I don't have any football predictions to make. But that doesn't mean my superb prognositcating skills should go to waste. Here's what's going to happen this weekend:
- New Red Sox right fielder J.D. Drew will strain his right rotator cuff signing the back of the first of his ginormous paychecks. Don't worry, Boston fans - he will recover in time to report for spring training. To avoid this problem, Red Sox GM Theo Epstein will pay Drew the rest of his salary in cash. Before opening day, he will get a hernia lifting his giant money sack and be out for the season.
- Feeling that this year's batch of contestants aren't satiating his lust for humiliation, American Idol judge Simon Cowell will start making day trips to outpatient clinics to further crush the dreams of the mentally ill and retarded.
- In local news, the male population of the city of Boston will technically be female for the next couple days as the bitterly cold weather will turn all of our previously external organs inward.
That is all. Have a good weekend, friends. Stay warm.
- New Red Sox right fielder J.D. Drew will strain his right rotator cuff signing the back of the first of his ginormous paychecks. Don't worry, Boston fans - he will recover in time to report for spring training. To avoid this problem, Red Sox GM Theo Epstein will pay Drew the rest of his salary in cash. Before opening day, he will get a hernia lifting his giant money sack and be out for the season.
- Feeling that this year's batch of contestants aren't satiating his lust for humiliation, American Idol judge Simon Cowell will start making day trips to outpatient clinics to further crush the dreams of the mentally ill and retarded.
- In local news, the male population of the city of Boston will technically be female for the next couple days as the bitterly cold weather will turn all of our previously external organs inward.
That is all. Have a good weekend, friends. Stay warm.
3 Comments:
A correction:
1. J.D. Drew will be lost for the season to a torn right hamstring following a Spring Training collision with Carl Pavano at the hand lotion counter at Saks in Palm Beach. Pavano will subsequently die from complications of a broken rib.
2.
We all anxiously await correction 2.
As do I, but it involves my dick in the Winter, which remains a mystery to one and all.
Cut me some slack, I was on my performance review call with my manager when I wrote that. Apparently I did exceptionally well last year, even though I spend most of my day reading your journal and practicing my putting.
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