From George Carlin: New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
Yesterday afternoon, I was trying to stop in to the grocery store quickly to pick up a few things before I headed over to class. I should have known that this would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever happen. You just can't go to a grocery store and be out quickly anymore. There are too many X factors.
Lord knows I try. When I'm scanning the checkout lines to figure out which one will go fastest, I pull on every stereotype I know and do some serious profiling. If I even smell a hint of coupon on you, I'm not going anywhere near your ass. If I can find a single guy paying cash, I'm following his ass through the hole like Corey Dillon.
But yesterday, I got sloppy. I was in a hurry, so my radar wasn't up. I got behind a young mother struggling to put $9 on a debit card and $7 in cash. On the other side of the conveyor belt was a trainee named Raj. It was the perfect storm of incompetence. It really was a sight to behold.
That's all. Carry on with your days.
Yesterday afternoon, I was trying to stop in to the grocery store quickly to pick up a few things before I headed over to class. I should have known that this would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever happen. You just can't go to a grocery store and be out quickly anymore. There are too many X factors.
Lord knows I try. When I'm scanning the checkout lines to figure out which one will go fastest, I pull on every stereotype I know and do some serious profiling. If I even smell a hint of coupon on you, I'm not going anywhere near your ass. If I can find a single guy paying cash, I'm following his ass through the hole like Corey Dillon.
But yesterday, I got sloppy. I was in a hurry, so my radar wasn't up. I got behind a young mother struggling to put $9 on a debit card and $7 in cash. On the other side of the conveyor belt was a trainee named Raj. It was the perfect storm of incompetence. It really was a sight to behold.
That's all. Carry on with your days.
10 Comments:
This is why I use the self check out aisles.
I always use my debit card, all smooth and easy like.
Pressing "Enter" doesn't take as long as someone digging through their pockets for nickels.
I don't have a debit card. If I don't have the cash, I ain't buying it.
And I guarantee I can go just as fast as you with cash, if not faster. We'll have a little race. It'll be fun.
You're missing his point, Speedy McNickels. The majority of people using cash wind up picking through their antique change purses, muttering 'Was it 54 cents?' over and over, and generally acting like Juliette Lewis in The Other Sister. Fuck that. EVERYONE should be required to pay with a debit/credit card, and if you don't have one, fine, NO FOOD, NO TOILET PAPER, AND ABSOLUTELY NO CHINESE BABIES FOR YOU.
No, it is YOU sir who are in fact missing the point.
The debit card thingies have done NOTHING to speed up the grocery store checkout process. Instead of a (presumably) trained employee quickly making change, I'm stuck behind Sean Penn in I Am Sam trying to operate a touch screen with his nubby jelly-covered fingers.
Quick sociological study - next time you're stuck behind a slow-ass at the grocery store, take a quick peek at whether they're paying cash or using a debit card. Report back to me.
Can we not forget those jerks that still pay with checks? UGH!
I'm a card person.
I would like to point out that most places do not require the cashier to press anything if you choose debit and enter your pin on the keypad.
Between the self check out and my debit card, I'm in and out before you even get to put your fruits and veggies on the belt.
I think we can all agree that most slowness is to be blamed on the bonehead PEOPLE, on BOTH sides of the register, not the customer's choice of payment. Given a trained cashier and a customer blessed with at least the mental capacity to make toast, everything will run just fine with cash OR cards.
The exception, as Stacy pointed out, is the fucking check-writers.
I don't have a debit card. If I don't have the cash, I ain't buying it.
To be clear: DEBIT card, not credit. Everything comes straight out of my checking account. If there's nothing there, well, no food for Bonzo.
I'd wager that an average debit card transaction is faster (all else equal in terms of cashier and customer).
In the case of a cashier line where cash is used for payment, either someone is digging for change or the cashier is waiting for the drawer, counting out change, etc. In the case of a self-checkout, you have to deal with the touch screen program regardless of whether you're paying cash or debit/credit... so if you don't get it, you're going to be slow either way. Plus, people who use debit cards are way smarter and are generally just faster at everything than people who are still using cash.
In sum, cash is obsolete and so is Brendo.
Really, guys - what's it like to be so wrong all the time? Does it, like, hurt physically? Is there a wrong-related rash or itching involved?
1. Debit cards are convenient because you will always have the exact amount.
2. Cash, when in the correct hands (read: not in the bottom of shag nasty purse or in the form of pennies) is still faster. Period.
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