Some of you were a bit taken aback by the uncharacteristic sincerity and solemnity of yesterday's journal entry. Today, something a little more your speed:
This weekend, I was walking through my neighborhood on my way to meet a friend when I was blessed with the sight of an absolutely stunning young woman walking toward me. She was wearing a summery flower print dress and seemed to be floating down the street toward me. Truly, this was a vision of feminine beauty.
Now, many of you may read my ramblings in this space and have come to think of me as a bit on the "fruity" side, but believe me - your boy is 100% hot-blooded heterosexual male. What - just because I have the occasional dream about hot oil wrestling with the drummer from Aloud? That's makes me "fay" all of a sudden? It's the 90's people. Grow up.
As this woman approached, I gave her the full-out eyeball ogle, as is my custom. Naturally, there's an order to these things. I checked out the breasts first (very nice) and then her face (extremely pretty). Overall, I've got to say - I was thoroughly impressed. Just as I was about to let her pass by to get the rear angle view, I noticed...
She had no right arm. Completely gone. I couldn't believe how I had missed it on my initial visual once-over.
So if that girl is reading this, I've got to say - good for you for making me notice the tits first. Looking so good that I notice your stump arm third? That's quite an accomplishment. I salute you. You're an American hero.
This weekend, I was walking through my neighborhood on my way to meet a friend when I was blessed with the sight of an absolutely stunning young woman walking toward me. She was wearing a summery flower print dress and seemed to be floating down the street toward me. Truly, this was a vision of feminine beauty.
Now, many of you may read my ramblings in this space and have come to think of me as a bit on the "fruity" side, but believe me - your boy is 100% hot-blooded heterosexual male. What - just because I have the occasional dream about hot oil wrestling with the drummer from Aloud? That's makes me "fay" all of a sudden? It's the 90's people. Grow up.
As this woman approached, I gave her the full-out eyeball ogle, as is my custom. Naturally, there's an order to these things. I checked out the breasts first (very nice) and then her face (extremely pretty). Overall, I've got to say - I was thoroughly impressed. Just as I was about to let her pass by to get the rear angle view, I noticed...
She had no right arm. Completely gone. I couldn't believe how I had missed it on my initial visual once-over.
So if that girl is reading this, I've got to say - good for you for making me notice the tits first. Looking so good that I notice your stump arm third? That's quite an accomplishment. I salute you. You're an American hero.
7 Comments:
What if she actually didn't have a stump for a right arm and it was just a deformed third nipple?
She should be on Dancing with the Stars!
Oh wait, that joke doesn't work. DAMNIT.
That story instantly catapulted into my 'Top Five Stories Brendan Has Told Me About His Walk to Whatever Bar We Were Meeting At' list. Lifetime should make a movie about that girl. Title ideas?
She should be on Pushups with the Stars!
Nice!
Or we can develop "So You Want to Arm-Wrestle an Amputee".
This fall, only on FOX.
I kind of see "Bruces Wild" peaking when they digitally edit Bruce Lee into a three-way. It's hailed as a match made in heaven between technology and three ways. However, from there the series goes downhill. Midway through season three they begin to stray from the "Bruce-only-three-way-premise" and introduce actors with names close to Bruce: Brice Beckham, Brian Boitano, and Brewsy McBeerstain (the French one). Once they realize they've been canceled the producers just start phoning it in...the last episode ends with special guest star Gary Busey, which honestly just makes everyone involved uncomfortable.
Genius, Hogg. Pure, unadulterated genius.
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