Dear City Bicycle Enthusiasts,
You are a danger on the roads. You don't follow any of the prescribed rules. You behave like a car one time and a pedestrian the next, based solely on whichever is convenient to you at the time. You run red lights, drive up one-ways the wrong way, and generally make yourselves a nuisance. God forbid you have to wait at a light with the rest of us convicted murderers a.k.a. people who(gasp) drive cars.
And you do it all with a smug hippie attitude, like I'm supposed to worship your tofu-scented balls for single-handedly saving the earth. Your righteous anger that the cars on the road owe you special treatment because you're dumb enough to cross six lanes of traffic with just a thin layer of plastic protecting your skull is as annoying as it is wrong. You are the problem.
I'm sick of you. From now on, I'm going to behave like a car sometimes and a battering ram other times, based on whichever is convenient to me.
Just thought I'd give you fair warning, assholes.
Sincerely,
Mike Mirabella
You are a danger on the roads. You don't follow any of the prescribed rules. You behave like a car one time and a pedestrian the next, based solely on whichever is convenient to you at the time. You run red lights, drive up one-ways the wrong way, and generally make yourselves a nuisance. God forbid you have to wait at a light with the rest of us convicted murderers a.k.a. people who(gasp) drive cars.
And you do it all with a smug hippie attitude, like I'm supposed to worship your tofu-scented balls for single-handedly saving the earth. Your righteous anger that the cars on the road owe you special treatment because you're dumb enough to cross six lanes of traffic with just a thin layer of plastic protecting your skull is as annoying as it is wrong. You are the problem.
I'm sick of you. From now on, I'm going to behave like a car sometimes and a battering ram other times, based on whichever is convenient to me.
Just thought I'd give you fair warning, assholes.
Sincerely,
Mike Mirabella
7 Comments:
THANK YOU!!!
As a bicycling (and tofu) enthusiast, I feel it necessary to let you know that I too hate most bicyclists. I think my bumpersticker idea (more like bumpersnicker idea!) says it all: "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ON A BIKE DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE NOT AN ASSHOLE"
Christ its about time someone said it. Thank you.
Awesome. Mike is going to run over Nate.
HA, I just wake up. I'm reading...reading....thinking wow Brendo is going to piss off some people with this one. OH WAIT,NO...I AM. I guess Brendan never heard my story about being hit by a car while not following the basic rules of the road on a moped. Long and short, I broke the windshield with my head and later they made me pay for it.
i can vouch for that story.
Imagine that happening today. A car hits a kid on a bike. kid crashes onto hood of car, breaks windshield with his head and kid has to pay for it.
Now - thats a legal precident i wish would take hold in cambridge.
FUCK BIKES
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