This weekend, I got to play reverend again. My cousin Sean and new cousin-in-law Lynne gave me the honor of naming them husband and wife. It was a wonderful event and I am grateful my cousins asked me to play such an important role in it. Some highlights:

- I got thanked by almost every wedding attendant for "keeping it short." It seems that people really hate long weddings these days. They just want to get to the bar... uh, I mean reception. As a culture, let's just go ahead and institute a 20-minute limit on the actual ceremonies, shall we?

- Scallops wrapped in bacon. Ain't nuthin' wrong with that. This should also be a requirement of every wedding reception: if you don't have scallops wrapped in bacon, your marriage should be legally made null and void on the spot.

- Most of the music played at the wedding was all this "new country" malarkey. Big and Rich. Rascal Flats. Kenny Chesney. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but while I wasn't paying attention, there has been a serious redneck infestation in my family. I must do something about this before it's too late.

- Even though he was playing the role of the busy groom, good cousin Sean was still working the room, trying to hook me up with available women, leading to the following conversation:

Sean: Do you like big boobs?
Me: (pause) No, Sean. I hate them.

- Did I mention scallops wrapped in bacon? Mmmmmmm.

Weddings are fun, especially if you get to wield the power to legally bind people together for life. If anyone needs a reverend, I work cheap. I can be paid exclusively in scallops wrapped in bacon.