So yesterday, I mentioned a possible alternative ending for the new Adam Sandler-Kevin James gay marriage farce I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Coming up with alternative endings to movies has always been a bit of a hobby of mine, so I'll present to you my all-time favorite: the alternative ending to The Shawshank Redemption. (Note: I may have posted this one before, but I'm 600 posts into this bad boy, so you takes your chances).
The scene: A beautiful deserted beach. Red (Morgan Freeman) has finally been freed from prison and has come to this beach to reunite with his inmate friend Andy (Tim Robbins). Red follows the instructions left him by Andy and finds a box. He opens the box...
... to find piles and piles of gay pornography. Red looks directly into the camera, throws his hands in the air, and in a high-pitched voice says "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?"
The lights come up in the theater and the credits roll at about five times the normal speed, as if the movie wants to get the fuck out of there.
Can you imagine sitting through the two hours of this sentimental tear-jerking crap expecting an emotionally satisfying ending and THAT's what they give you? They just completely pull the rug out from the audience in the last ten seconds. Simply awesome. The world would be a perfect place if that's how that movie ended.
Any other alternative ending ideas?
The scene: A beautiful deserted beach. Red (Morgan Freeman) has finally been freed from prison and has come to this beach to reunite with his inmate friend Andy (Tim Robbins). Red follows the instructions left him by Andy and finds a box. He opens the box...
... to find piles and piles of gay pornography. Red looks directly into the camera, throws his hands in the air, and in a high-pitched voice says "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?"
The lights come up in the theater and the credits roll at about five times the normal speed, as if the movie wants to get the fuck out of there.
Can you imagine sitting through the two hours of this sentimental tear-jerking crap expecting an emotionally satisfying ending and THAT's what they give you? They just completely pull the rug out from the audience in the last ten seconds. Simply awesome. The world would be a perfect place if that's how that movie ended.
Any other alternative ending ideas?
3 Comments:
After his release from jail, Red suddenly discovers his pitching talent and replaces Tavares and Wakefield on the Red Sox and the Red Sox go on to win the division.
They break his spirit…but then he gets AIDS and severe autism and teaches some poor-kid-of-a-single-mom-and-waitress (somehow played by both Maria Bello AND Helen Hunt) an invaluable life lesson about something, like never giving up or having faith in people or how to lose a guy in seven days or who beheaded his husband in Afghanistan.
Lord of the Rings: At the end of "The Return of the King" Aragorn is crowned king and chooses Arwen, the elf over Eowyn, the horse girl. As he leaves he turns to Eowyn and throws up his hands in apology. She just smiles.
As the credits roll, the movie cuts to her and no less than three hobbits making sweet sweet monkey love. She turns to the camera with a shrug and says: "they've got small hands..."
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