Despite the fact that the Red Sox have put a little bit of a win streak together and the offense has started to wake up a bit, I'm still concerned. What seemed a slam dunk World Series guarantee only a month ago now looks a little on the shaky side. With the trade deadline looming, there is rumbling about adding another power bat to the lineup. While pundits weigh the costs and benefits of trading a prospect for an established hitter, I have a more elegant solution:

David Ortiz needs to start taking steroids.

Hear me out. Let's face it, due to nagging injuries, Big Papi's power numbers are way down this year. Also, steroids are awesome. They make you big and strong and hit lots of homeruns. Yes, there are some health detriments to using performance-enhancing drugs, but he won't feel the effects until much later in his life, when he's out of the public eye. We won't have to see his body break down, thus avoiding unpleasant feelings for us.

Take one for the team, Big Game Dave. Even if you get caught, it's only a fifteen game suspension for the first offense. The rest of the team can pick up the slack for that two weeks. Just make sure you don't get caught right before the playoffs.

I am hereby starting a "Steroids for Papi" grassroots campaign. I want to see message boards, websites, people holding signs at Fenway. Ideally, I'd like to hook up with the Jimmy Fund and get a little bald cancer kid to make a commercial saying, "Pwease use your stewoids to hit homewuns for me, Papi!"

Let's make this happen. Get to it, soldiers!