Happy Day After Independence Day, Americans! On this day in 1776, our founding fathers woke up from their post-Declaration signing mead bender, kicked their attractive female slaves out of bed, and tried to figure out how to spend their extra dough now that they weren't paying taxes to England. Abraham Lincoln spent his on a new iPhone. True story.

As for me, I'm celebrating my independence by NOT seeing the new Transformers movie.

Let me explain myself - I'm not taking some pointless nerd principle stance against remaking something meaningful from my childhood. Yes, I was a huge Transformers fan when I was a kid, but I don't take it so personally. I'm not ranting on a message board about what a great American tragedy it is that Michael Bay was put in charge or that Megatron isn't a gun anymore. Even my nerd-rage has its limits.

The trailer simply looks terrible. And by "looks terrible," I don't mean that the trailers lead me to believe that the movie will have a hokey, illogical script with bad acting and one-dimensional intelligence-insulting characters. I mean, I'm sure all those things are the case. But none of them would stop me from seeing a big action movie.

But it actually looks bad. There's a lot of really messy filmmaking. The robots don't look cool. And in a movie that's entirely based on "Hey, come see some cool-looking robots," that's simply unforgivable.

I've got to say - I've sort of had it up to here (by "here" I mean "my balls") with CGI. I don't think it looks that good. The other day, I couldn't tell whether I was watching a commercial for the Transformers movie or the videogame. Movies aren't supposed to look like giant videogames with Anthony Anderson thrown in there.

It makes me long for the days when George Lucas was making movies with scale models and Jim Henson puppets. The puppet Yoda looked better than the more modern CGI Yoda. And that's just a fact, Jedis.

If someone wants to convince me otherwise about Transformers, my ears are open.