Good morrow, young squires. I am recovering nicely from the birthday weekend, thank you for inquiring. I actually took it comparatively easy this time around, trying to make myself feel younger and more free by hanging around with my lame friends who are married and have kids. Of course I was ready for a nap much quicker than they were.
I don't know if I can really express my love for napping in a way that will make you understand how much I truly love napping. Napping is my Graceland.
I like all sorts of naps. Short mid-afternoon naps. Long weekend naps on the couch watching golf. African-American naps. Jew naps. My love for naps is completely colorblind and doesn't discriminate against any of the clearly inferior naps (i.e. "napping on the wing of a 747 during takeoff").
I'm always up for a nap. And what's more, I don't know if there's a time I remember in my life ever when I wasn't ready to nap at a moment's notice. Maybe that time when I was running from that grizzly bear at Yellowstone. Even then, when my thigh muscles were burning and churning as I sprinted through the thickets, fearing for my life, I distinctly remember thinking, "Christ, I'd moider for a nap right now."
Come to think of it, I could really eat up a nap right now. In fact, I can honestly say that at this moment napping is what I most want to do in the world. Is that going to happen? Nooooo. Not as long as the "be awake-anistas" are forcing me to retain my consciousness for at least the next seven hours. It's wrong and outrageous and wrooooooong.
It's time to do something about this. We've been beaten down enough by the anti-nap coalition long enough. It's been generations since we have been allowed to nap freely like our Neanderthal progenitors. Now, napping is a rare breed. I bet many of you reading this don't even take naps. That's how far you've strayed from your natural napping roots.
It hurts me that this has happened to you people. Someone must pay for this oppression. That's right, it may cost me, but I'm going to go ahead and say it:
We demand nap-arations.
Let's get political, soldiers. Who's with me?
I don't know if I can really express my love for napping in a way that will make you understand how much I truly love napping. Napping is my Graceland.
I like all sorts of naps. Short mid-afternoon naps. Long weekend naps on the couch watching golf. African-American naps. Jew naps. My love for naps is completely colorblind and doesn't discriminate against any of the clearly inferior naps (i.e. "napping on the wing of a 747 during takeoff").
I'm always up for a nap. And what's more, I don't know if there's a time I remember in my life ever when I wasn't ready to nap at a moment's notice. Maybe that time when I was running from that grizzly bear at Yellowstone. Even then, when my thigh muscles were burning and churning as I sprinted through the thickets, fearing for my life, I distinctly remember thinking, "Christ, I'd moider for a nap right now."
Come to think of it, I could really eat up a nap right now. In fact, I can honestly say that at this moment napping is what I most want to do in the world. Is that going to happen? Nooooo. Not as long as the "be awake-anistas" are forcing me to retain my consciousness for at least the next seven hours. It's wrong and outrageous and wrooooooong.
It's time to do something about this. We've been beaten down enough by the anti-nap coalition long enough. It's been generations since we have been allowed to nap freely like our Neanderthal progenitors. Now, napping is a rare breed. I bet many of you reading this don't even take naps. That's how far you've strayed from your natural napping roots.
It hurts me that this has happened to you people. Someone must pay for this oppression. That's right, it may cost me, but I'm going to go ahead and say it:
We demand nap-arations.
Let's get political, soldiers. Who's with me?
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