Yesterday afternoon, I finally won my epic battle with my evil left rear wisdom tooth. It was a Pyrrhic victory at best. It turns out the teeth will ultimately win the war.
When I got into the room to get numbed up, this was the image that was hanging in front of me:
Salvador Dali's "St. George and the Dragon." That's right - an oral surgeon has a print of a giant spear being stuck into a dragon's mouth. Not exactly the most soothing of images when you're about to be gouged with metal tools.
After he shot me up with novocaine (which fired through my lower jaw like an electric shock), the surgeon popped my offending tooth out like a carrot during harvest season. No pain, no fuss. Easy peasy, PLUS a free prescription for Vicodin. I win, right?
Wrong! When I got home and feeling had come back in my tongue, I discovered that part of the molar next to the wisdom tooth had broken off. As it turns out, I have severe tooth decay throughout my mouth and am likely going to lose several more teeth unless I spent several immediate painful hours in the dental chair getting gouged and prodded some more.
What the fuck? I brush and floss and the whole deal. Always have. They say that a lot of it is probably just genetic. I was born with the potential for weak, shitty teeth and damn it if I didn't meet and downright exceed that potential. Curse this Irish chromosome stew. Sure, I tan well and never get depressed and have a huge shilelagh, but come on! Would copulating with a few white-chompered Norwegians have killed you, Great Great Great Great Grandma O'Boogie? Why were you such a whore for the pasty English guys?
Ach begorrah. Let's move on - tomorrow for the 700th post, I will announce the 2007 Joe Welsh Memorial (this isn't a joke - I think he might actually be dead) Least Shitty Post Award. Last chance to get in your suggestions. And how about a few acceptance speeches from yesterday's awards? Hogg? Anonymous? Big Phil?
When I got into the room to get numbed up, this was the image that was hanging in front of me:
Salvador Dali's "St. George and the Dragon." That's right - an oral surgeon has a print of a giant spear being stuck into a dragon's mouth. Not exactly the most soothing of images when you're about to be gouged with metal tools.
After he shot me up with novocaine (which fired through my lower jaw like an electric shock), the surgeon popped my offending tooth out like a carrot during harvest season. No pain, no fuss. Easy peasy, PLUS a free prescription for Vicodin. I win, right?
Wrong! When I got home and feeling had come back in my tongue, I discovered that part of the molar next to the wisdom tooth had broken off. As it turns out, I have severe tooth decay throughout my mouth and am likely going to lose several more teeth unless I spent several immediate painful hours in the dental chair getting gouged and prodded some more.
What the fuck? I brush and floss and the whole deal. Always have. They say that a lot of it is probably just genetic. I was born with the potential for weak, shitty teeth and damn it if I didn't meet and downright exceed that potential. Curse this Irish chromosome stew. Sure, I tan well and never get depressed and have a huge shilelagh, but come on! Would copulating with a few white-chompered Norwegians have killed you, Great Great Great Great Grandma O'Boogie? Why were you such a whore for the pasty English guys?
Ach begorrah. Let's move on - tomorrow for the 700th post, I will announce the 2007 Joe Welsh Memorial (this isn't a joke - I think he might actually be dead) Least Shitty Post Award. Last chance to get in your suggestions. And how about a few acceptance speeches from yesterday's awards? Hogg? Anonymous? Big Phil?
5 Comments:
This story reminds me of a story you told me two years ago in which you went to the dentist and after x-rays and the rest he told you that you needed extensive work done, and you were all like 'Blah, blah, blah, I am Irish, my teeth will last forever!'and ignored him.
Vinny, you have the memory of an elephant. And the wrinkly scrotum to match.
*Program Note - the following acceptance speech is being given by Hogg's alter ego...Drunk Hogg
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey,
I'm happy to accept your award for having the best post on Brendan's Scamper thing. I'd like to point out that Presidential Coins have presidents on them and that they're used to trade for goods and services. I'd also like to address a comment about stripper robots - strippers are dead inside so I believe they would be more akin to zombies. I hope you are all happy about Scamper lasting forever and will continue to pay the entrance fee to their shows using presidential coins (paying in nickels is also accepted). I hope you all have a good holiday and thanks for the memories. DRUNK HOGG LOVES YA BABY!
See? Now that's an acceptance speech. Adrien Brody can suck it.
WOOOO HOOOOOO
i'm more awesomer than all of you!!!
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