For those of you in the giving mood, be sure to visit Joe's charity Beards for Babies and either a) come through with the scratch you promised in the first place or b) make a brand spankin' new donation.

Now, just because little Graham Funk Railroad (the kid's only two months old and he's got enough nicknames to make "The Applesauce Master" Pete "12-Gauge" Galea blush) came out of his mom's hoo hah a few months early doesn't mean this is a time to be stingy with the ol' purse strings. I know a few of you pledged by the week or by the beard inch with the idea that it would be a full nine month pregnancy. Just because nature cut Graham's gestation period a little short doesn't mean you should short change the good charities to which Joe has pledged this money.

So if you're thinking to yourself "Nice! Premature baby = less money I have to give!" you're a fucking jerk and it's time for you to look in the mirror and then punch yourself in your jerk face but not the jerk face in the mirror because that's not your real jerk face. It's just a reflection, you jerk faced moron! Don't you know how mirrors work? Jesus! What is with you?

(Note: who am I yelling at?)