Dear City of Cambridge:
Hi. How's it going?
Okay, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, you've got a fucktard working for you.
Clearly, the sign right above the meter where my car is parked reads "9am to 5pm." So why would I get a parking ticket for an expired meter with "5:30pm" scrawled in barely-legible idiot-cursive on it? Chewbacca is a Wookkie. He lives on Endor. But the Ewoks live on Endor. It doesn't. Make. Sense.
And no, I'm not going to take a day off work and fight this wrongful ticket in your infuriatingly unwieldy court system. Do I look like your typical Cambridge crazypants? Do you see a badly-kempt graying ponytail on the back of my head? Do I smell like a mix of patchouli and failure? Well? Do I?
No, I'm just going to write you a nice little check for twenty bucks and go on with my otherwise unremarkable life. But honestly - fuck you guys. May your genitals be infested with the crabs of a thousand Aguileras.
I'm just saying.
Keep on truckin',
Brendan
Hi. How's it going?
Okay, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, you've got a fucktard working for you.
Clearly, the sign right above the meter where my car is parked reads "9am to 5pm." So why would I get a parking ticket for an expired meter with "5:30pm" scrawled in barely-legible idiot-cursive on it? Chewbacca is a Wookkie. He lives on Endor. But the Ewoks live on Endor. It doesn't. Make. Sense.
And no, I'm not going to take a day off work and fight this wrongful ticket in your infuriatingly unwieldy court system. Do I look like your typical Cambridge crazypants? Do you see a badly-kempt graying ponytail on the back of my head? Do I smell like a mix of patchouli and failure? Well? Do I?
No, I'm just going to write you a nice little check for twenty bucks and go on with my otherwise unremarkable life. But honestly - fuck you guys. May your genitals be infested with the crabs of a thousand Aguileras.
I'm just saying.
Keep on truckin',
Brendan
13 Comments:
Don't send a check, send a letter pointing out that the meters are 9-5, not 9-5:30, that the ticket was given at 5:30, and that you won't be paying it. If they disagree, let them send a late notice to you. I ALWAYS let the city send me the first late notice. Makes me feel like they're being inconvenienced, too, and that joy only costs me $5.
The best is when your car gets towed because you parked it in a legal spot for a night but the owner of the house behind that spot decided the next day that they need tree work done, or a PODS unit delivered, or wants to sunbathe in that spot so they get a permit from the city, stick it up on the closest tree when you're not around. Try using the "that's not fair" arguement to the juuuuust above minimum wage 23 years-in civil servant working the phones that day. Sigh... Somerville.
The killer in my neck of the Somervillian woods is the "within 20 feet of intersection" rule, which they apply completely arbitrarily. The exact same spot will be legal one day and illegal the next, and has absolutely nothing to do with this alleged "20 feet."
Chewbacca lives on Endor?
Chewbacca lives on Endor?
According to the South Park version of Johnny Cochrane, he does. It's the dreaded "Chewbacca defense."
Christ - I gotta get me one of those magic picture boxes.
Chewbacca lives on Endor?
No. That is patently absurd.
No matter what South Park says.
i fucking hate everything
Chewbacca lives on Endor?
No. That is patently absurd.
Think about it, though: they're both furry, incoherent, kinda spastic creatures. Why couldn't Chewbacca just be a kind of mutant Ewok, the victim of some unforeseen growth spurt?
I put it to you South Park Johnnie Cochrane: it's YOU who do not make sense.
Because Wookies come from Kashyyyk - What was Chewbacca doing on Endor?
If a Wookie lives on Endor you MUST acquit!
This journal is the best advertisement for mass transit I've ever encountered.
Think about it, though: they're both furry, incoherent, kinda spastic creatures. Why couldn't Chewbacca just be a kind of mutant Ewok, the victim of some unforeseen growth spurt?
Because Wookiees are not from Endor, and everyone knows that.
Anyway, this is sort of a pointless argument, because Ewoks don't live on Endor, either; they live on one of its moons. Geez.
Dude, don't pay it. Go to court. Raise a ruckus. Civic involvement! Fix the system from within!
Like you have something better to do.
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