Oh boy did I have some adventures in automotivicity this weekend. Here's how the dope went down:
- Friday AM: During my interminable morning commute, my Saturn (with only 58,111 miles on it, by the by) started shaking, sputtering, and generally giving me the vehicular version of a giant "F U." Just as a reminder, I threw $850 toward new brakes on this car just a week ago. Now, the brand new brakes were doing nothing to stop this devil woman whore car from flashing the "Get the Fucking Engine Serviced Now, Honkey!" light at my annoyed gridlocked-on-93 ass. Needless to say, it was a good morning.
- Saturday AM: Just to start off cheapest, I brought the awful car into a quick lube place to have the oil changed, filters and PVC valve replaced, transmission flushed, and fuel injection treated. Cost: $200.
The best part of the whole experience was when the lube jockeys kept calling each other over and saying "Yo yo - check this out!" Then three of them would gather around my engine and say "Oh my GOD!" Apparently, it was in pretty bad shape. Then, one of them would ask me how many miles I had on the car. When I showed them of my odometer, they'd say "That's it?" and just shake their heads in sympathy. It was a real morale booster.
- Sunday AM: I drove the piece of shit car around my peaceful suburban berg in the vain hope that the vehicular Parkinson's would miraculously be cured. Shockingly, it wasn't.
- Monday AM: I drop the demon car off at my local mechanic for further diagnosis. A few hours later, I get a phone call and have the following fantastic conversation:
Me: What's the deal?
Mechanic: You need a new engine.
Me: What? There's only 58,000 miles on it!
Mechanic: That's it?
Me: How much is this going to cost me?
Mechanic: $1800 used, $3000 new.
Me: Is the car near you? I'd like to speak to it.
Mechanic: What?
Me: Just hold up the phone to the car.
Mechanic: Uh... ok.
Me: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU, YOU SOUL-SUCKING BUSH-VOTING SATAN SPAWN!!!
Mechanic: You're talking to the car, right?
So I needed a new engine. What's a poor boy to do?
You read it! You can't unread it! Stay tuned tomorrow for part two of... Tales of Interest!
- Friday AM: During my interminable morning commute, my Saturn (with only 58,111 miles on it, by the by) started shaking, sputtering, and generally giving me the vehicular version of a giant "F U." Just as a reminder, I threw $850 toward new brakes on this car just a week ago. Now, the brand new brakes were doing nothing to stop this devil woman whore car from flashing the "Get the Fucking Engine Serviced Now, Honkey!" light at my annoyed gridlocked-on-93 ass. Needless to say, it was a good morning.
- Saturday AM: Just to start off cheapest, I brought the awful car into a quick lube place to have the oil changed, filters and PVC valve replaced, transmission flushed, and fuel injection treated. Cost: $200.
The best part of the whole experience was when the lube jockeys kept calling each other over and saying "Yo yo - check this out!" Then three of them would gather around my engine and say "Oh my GOD!" Apparently, it was in pretty bad shape. Then, one of them would ask me how many miles I had on the car. When I showed them of my odometer, they'd say "That's it?" and just shake their heads in sympathy. It was a real morale booster.
- Sunday AM: I drove the piece of shit car around my peaceful suburban berg in the vain hope that the vehicular Parkinson's would miraculously be cured. Shockingly, it wasn't.
- Monday AM: I drop the demon car off at my local mechanic for further diagnosis. A few hours later, I get a phone call and have the following fantastic conversation:
Me: What's the deal?
Mechanic: You need a new engine.
Me: What? There's only 58,000 miles on it!
Mechanic: That's it?
Me: How much is this going to cost me?
Mechanic: $1800 used, $3000 new.
Me: Is the car near you? I'd like to speak to it.
Mechanic: What?
Me: Just hold up the phone to the car.
Mechanic: Uh... ok.
Me: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU, YOU SOUL-SUCKING BUSH-VOTING SATAN SPAWN!!!
Mechanic: You're talking to the car, right?
So I needed a new engine. What's a poor boy to do?
You read it! You can't unread it! Stay tuned tomorrow for part two of... Tales of Interest!
14 Comments:
That sucks, but look on the bright side: at least you're not Phil Collins.
That is one hell of a good point.
Phil Collins could probably afford to repair his car, though.
Or, for that matter, buy something other than a Saturn.
Just another day for you and me in paradise.
That sucks, but look on the bright side: at least you're not Phil Collins.
what the hell did phil collins ever do to you, bb?
Did something happen to Phil Collins that I missed while at the mechanic's?
Did something happen to Phil Collins that I missed while at the mechanic's?
That depends. Were you at Mike & the Mechanics?
Did something happen to Phil Collins that I missed while at the mechanic's?
That depends. Were you at Mike & the Mechanics?
I was at Chuck and the Mechanics. He had a handlebar moustache. It wasn't ironic at all.
I sure do miss owning a car. Lucky bastard, you.
Phil Collins could kick your ass.
Just to round things out today... I'm not a fan of Tony Banks.
LOOK IT UP.
You should just stop going to work. Then you wouldn't need a car!
Phil Collins could kick your ass.
He'd touch my ass, maybe.
Invisibly.
Did something happen to Phil Collins that I missed while at the mechanic's?
No. Something happened to Phil Collins on the way to the mechanics.
Doesn't any Saturn stay together anymore?
A different kind of company,
a different kind of car.
A different kind of company,
a different kind of car.
A different kind of company,
a different kind of car.
A different kind of company,
a different kind of car.
A different kind of company,
a different kind of car...
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