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Stupid Leap Day. I knew there were going to be problems today when I woke up and realized that today's not even supposed to exist. There are twenty eight
days in February, right? What the fuck, nature? Give it a rest with the extra shit, huh?
Oh, don't mind me - that's just the horrific commute talking. Normally, I'm a cat that keeps himself on a pretty even keel. Sometimes, I find myself actually enjoying the quiet alone time of my 90-minute commute. I look at it as a daily opportunity for spiritual reflection and perhaps discrete masturbation.
But the faberge egg of my psyche is slowly cracking, friends. This morning, I actually found myself pounding my steering wheel in the midst of a Munchian not-so-silent scream. I just fucking lost it. Mostly, it was because my engine started shaking and my "Get Your Car to the Shop and Drop a Ton More Money" light kept going on. Which is good, because I didn't just drop $850 on my metal-on-metal brakes. Oh wait - yes, I did. (Punches self in the box.)
On the upside, I finally heard Bryan Adams "Cuts Like a Knife" on the radio for the first time. I was sort of quiet about the whole thing, but I'll admit it now: I had never heard that song before. Such a bizarre gap in my musical knowledge.
It's an odd day, people.
For those of you in the giving mood, be sure to visit Joe's charity Beards for Babies
and either a) come through with the scratch you promised in the first place or b) make a brand spankin' new donation.
Now, just because little Graham Funk Railroad (the kid's only two months old and he's got enough nicknames to make "The Applesauce Master" Pete "12-Gauge" Galea blush) came out of his mom's hoo hah a few months early doesn't mean this is a time to be stingy with the ol' purse strings. I know a few of you pledged by the week or by the beard inch with the idea that it would be a full nine month pregnancy. Just because nature cut Graham's gestation period a little short doesn't mean you should short change the good charities to which Joe has pledged this money.
So if you're thinking to yourself "Nice! Premature baby = less money I have to give!" you're a fucking jerk and it's time for you to look in the mirror and then punch yourself in your jerk face but not the jerk face in the mirror because that's not your real jerk face. It's just a reflection, you jerk faced moron! Don't you know how mirrors work? Jesus! What is with you?
(Note: who am I yelling at?)
Ed. note: Brendan is unable to give you the high hard stuff today because Harris and Aloud literally rocked his ass off at Harper's Ferry last night. The best surgeons in Mexico have spent the last six hours performing the controversial "assoplasty" procedure to restore Brendan's posterior to its former apple-firm glow. Brendan is resting comfortably in an undisclosed area hospital and is reportedly "feeling sore and a little randy" after the grueling surgical procedure. He has assured us that he will return tomorrow to deliver more of his signature hijinx/veiled racist comedy. Good night and good luck.
For those of you who weren't too keen on yesterday's Oscar recap, my long-lost redneck pal Tim has full coverage over on his blog
. Unlike me, he actually watched the whole goddamn show. Like me, however, he does have a serious alcohol problem. Check out his very funny blog and then come on back to me.
See? You can drink heavily on non-weekend nights even though you have to work in the morning! Speaking of which, you should all come by Harper's Ferry in Allston tonight for what's lining up to be the show of the century: The French Kicks, Bon Savants, Harris, and Aloud. The best part of all - the show is FREE! All you have to do is RSVP hnyaw
Speaking of craziness, our boy Pedro found this tremendously funny site: Garfield Minus Garfield
. Some genius has removed Garfield from all the comic strips to create an "even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life."
The intro reads: "Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let's laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against lonliness and methamphetamine addiction in a quiet American suburb."
Check these out. They get funnier the more you go. This one's my favorite:
Morning, kids. It's been years since I've watched the Oscars. I think I stopped when my satellite provider finally picked up the far-more-interesting "Watching Paint Dry" channel.
However, I understand that as your primary source for all things topical, I have a responsibility to comment on the events of the day. So back in 2003, I created this Oscar Night MacroTM
on my computer. Now, all I have to do is fill in the relevant data and you idiots are none the wiser! Enjoy:How about those Oscars last night, huh? Can you believe how anorexic [GROSS ACTRESS] looked in that gown? And what about all the plastic surgery work [OTHER GROSS ACTRESS] had done this year? If she closed her mouth too fast, her ear would spring off and slap her in the eye! Har har!But on to the important business. I can't believe that [SHITTY STUNT ACTING PERFORMANCE] beat out [SLIGHTLY LESS SHITTY STUNT ACTING PERFORMANCE] this year. What an upset! And the Academy has their heads up their collective tucki if they can't recognize the brilliance of [SOME USELESS ASSHOLE ACTOR].What a long show, huh? At least [HOST] was kind of funny, although I think the jokes about [SOME FAMOUS TRAINWRECK THAT IS PROBABLY NAMED BRITNEY] were a little too soon. It's good to know that [ARROGANT ACTOR WITH CLEARLY NO SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT HIMSELF] seems to have a sense of humor about himself.And how about that pre-show? That [RYAN SEACREST] sure is a homo, huh?
The Brendan Boogie Band's
sometimes lead guitarist/part time produce washer Dave Mirabella (leader of the kickass Rationales
) turned me on to this really funny site this morning: Stuff White People Like
. It's very well-written and funny.
Of course, this is probably yesterday's news. In the fast-paced world of the internet, I'm always the last guy to hear about things. Have you guys seen this hilarious dancing baby from Ally McBeal
? It's a dancing baby!
"Stuff White People Like" reminds me of an idea for a book title a friend once told me for which I cannot take credit. It's a dating book geared at men entitled:
"Bitches Like Dessert (And Other Things Bitches Like)."
Be honest, fellas - you'd buy that, right?
If you haven't heard the story about the US Navy destroying a potentially toxic satellite with a missile on the first try, check out the second video down
. Pretty cool shit. But as always, it does lead to a few questions:Question Uno:
I know a lot of citizens (including myself) complain about bloated military spending. But Jebus H. Christmas - how bad-ass is our military? They hit a satellite in orbit on the first shot
. Bad-fucking-ass.Question Dos:
Speaking of satellites, show of hands: how many of you learned "Satellite" by Dave Matthews on guitar in a vain attempt to get laid in college? Don't be afraid. You're among friends.Question Trios:
Am I the only one that's a little attracted to Erin Esurance?
Speaking of bombs, Nate's taking requests over in The Scene
. Our boy's playing a solo show on Monday March 3 at the Abbey Lounge and wants to be a pleaser, not a teaser. Be sure to stop by and tell him what you want to hear.
Ugh. I woke up this morning with a frog perched firmly in my throat. Actually, it wasn't so much a frog as this fella
. Yup. My upper respiratory system has been commandeered by a devil toad. Except more mucousy. Not as much fun as it sounds.
In other news, I sadly missed the big premiere of the new Knight Rider
television program this weekend.
However, I am receiving multiple reports from my crack staff of TV watching minions about the premiere: it's a big fat turd.
This isn't a big surprise, obviously. I think most of us Knight Rider
fans from back in the dizzy were secretly hoping for "really awesome" but realized catching Hasselhoff in a bottle twice wasn't all that likely. Really, we would have been pleased with "so bad that it's actually good." Early bulletins say that it's just bad. Too serious, too adult, not fun to watch. Boo.
But just for the record - my childhood is just fine. All of these craptastic remakes of my childhood favorites (Knight Rider, Transformers, The Dukes of Hazzard, Star Wars
) have ZERO effect on how I view the memories of a more innocent time. There's nothing sadder than 30-year old men with beards expressing genuine anger at Jerry Bruckheimer. Not a good look.
George Lucas didn't rape your childhood, nerds. He raped your mom. (Lawyer's note: Brendan's just kidding. We think.)
For those of you curious pupils who are reading ahead in your textbooks, I've decided to call all of our future Brendan Boogie Band shows by cool badass nicknames like UFC pay-per-views. Honestly, what do you think will put more butts in the seats: "Brendan Boogie Band at O'Brien's on March 22" or "The Brawlston in Allston!" No brainer. More on that show as the grudge match approaches.
In other news, my brakes started grinding during my Friday afternoon commute. With my fast-paced jetsetting lifestyle, I didn't exactly have time to comparison shop with mechanics, so I went with the classic "Pull into the nearest brake place that's open" technique.
Two hours and $850 later, my brakes were working again! Oh happy, joyful day! That's exactly
what I wanted to spend that kind of money on. Luckily, I'm a wealthy local rock star so eight bills doesn't even press a dimple in my vast untapped fortune. It's always a pleasure to spend money on crap like that, isn't it?
As I pulled out of Habib's Discount Brakes, I noticed a banner hanging in the window reading "Wednesdays - Ladies Day! $14.99 Oil Changes!"
How confident should I be in my brake job when the guys doing it are offering a "Ladies Day"? I'm afraid they replaced my transmission fluid with watered down mai tais and rohypnol.
Happy Biannual Eat Too Much Leftover Candy Day! I'm still trying to recover from the diabetic shock from November 1 and here we go again. Jelly hearts, you are my Achilles heel.
Although I've said my words privately, I just wanted to throw out a public thanks to Mr. Joe Welsh for joining us on stage for the Pop Goes the Cupid! Valentine's Day Popfest a few nights ago at Great Scott. Despite all the fatigue and emotional drain of very new fatherhood, Joe not only just showed up but proceded to rock the living pants off everyone in attendance, including those of us lucky to be on stage with him. He was even game for a Fooled By April
cover, a (no joke) dream come true for Mike and Nate.
Even after all these years, there's no one with whom I feel more comfortable on stage. We've played many shows together over our lives and I hope to play many more. So thanks, buddy!
Unlike Nate and Mike, both of whom I am secretly plotting to replace with revamped automatons from the Disney Hall of Presidents. Obviously, I'll use the Lincoln as a Nate stand-in. I haven't completely decided yet, but I think Mike has a definite "William Henry Harrison" vibe. Thoughts, presidential historians?
Thanks to all the peeps for coming out last night for night one of the Pop Goes the Cupid! Valentine's Day popfest. We had a blast, made some new friends, and Nate contracted VD. All in all, a successful Valentine's Day eve.
If you're in the mood for yet MORE rock and roll, be sure to check out night 2 of the festival, featuring This Is How Rumors Get Started
, Okay Thursday
, The Toothaches
, and The Piddly Kids
. It's the perfect opportunity to appease that annoying significant other by "going out" and actually enjoy yourself.
Thanks so much for Sarah from Okay Thursday for inviting us to this shindig. And, for the record, I would still totally F you.
Hooray for private jokes!
Okay, so I'm going to go ahead admit it - a dreary, rainy Wednesday night in February isn't exactly an ideal
night for going out on the town for a big Brendan Boogie Band
show... on the surface. But your thinking is all clouded, my little cumulonimbuses. There are at least 5 good reasons you should head out to Great Scott for the show tonight. Check this bullhonkey out:Reason #1:
You're not going to get over those winter blahs sitting around your house, are you? Who's going to cheer you up? Your passive aggressive cat? Paula Abdul? The guy outside your window who's shoveling his driveway in flip flops and a sarong? Grow up.Reason #2:
This is a rare area appearance for one of the true greats in recent Boston rock: Mr. Joe Welsh of Fooled By April
. This is actually going to be a special treat for me, as the first time I ever played an original song in front of an audience, Joe was the man on stage right next to me. It was our sophomore year high school talent show. Let's just say some eggs were thrown and leave it at that.
Since those early days of rock and roll rejection, Joe and I have improved our musical skills at least a little bit, so you're in for some good times tonight. Just in case, I'm going to request that the door man at Great Scott confiscate all produce.Reason #3:
Rumor has it I will be wearing a pink shirt.Reason #4:
This isn't just any boring ol' rock show. This is the two-night Valentine's Day Pop Goes the Cupid! Popfest. So choke on that, winners!
I am aware that different people have different feelings toward this non-holiday and "love" as a general concept. But no matter what your feelings on the subject of love, this particular line-up of the BBB has you covered. Joe believes in love so much that he actually got married AND put a baby inside his wife! And then the baby came out! Now THAT'S love.
But are you one of those people who is disgusted by this Valentine's Day nonsense? Don't believe in outdated concepts such as "love" and "marriage" and "calling the next day after you do it?"
Don't worry - Mike's your boy.Reason #5:
Let's just face facts here - I know what's best for you.
We'll see you tonight.
UPDATE: The Boston Herald gave us some Valentine's love
today. Notice how Sarah gave me no love whatsoever in that quote. She'll pay.
In radio news, Scamper
's 2004 release "Leave Your Glasses On" was number 5 on the top albums played on WMFO 91.5FM
this week. Here's the rest of the list:
#4 Feist, "The Reminder"
#3 The Beatles "The White Album"
#2 AC/DC "Back in Black"
#1 Vanessa Carlton "Be Not Nobody"
Strangest list ever? Perhaps.
In other news, our buddy Hogg has been getting a little creative in filing his taxes this year.Hogg:
Hey pal - just wanted to give you a heads up. Things are a little tight with the new baby this year, so we listed you as a dependent on our taxes.Me:
Okay, that's no problem.Hogg:
Thanks a bunch. Oh, and if anyone asks, you fought in the Korean War.
Speaking of wars, our special guest guitarist Joe Welsh of Fooled By April
will be fighting his own personal battle with new daddy sleep deprivation as he attempts to bring the ruckus with the Brendan Boogie Band
at the Pop Goes the Cupid! Valentine's Day popfest. That's tomorrow night, lovers!
I'm sure you're all as disappointed as I am with the result of the Grammies last night. Against all odds, the Brendan Boogie Band did NOT take the "Best New Band That Hasn't Recorded Anything Yet and Has Only Played Two Shows But Is Likely to Turn Out to Be the Most Awesome Band in History" award. In a ceremony held earlier, that award went to Herbie Hancock and his new band the Hand Cocks.
Still, I've got this nice acceptance speech ready to go, so I might as well share it with you people:
Wow... I really expected this. I am overwhelmed by the pure inevitability of receiving this award. Really, I just couldn't be less surprised.
I'd like to thank all the people who made this award possible. First off, I'd like to send a big shout-out to the Massachusetts Department of Social Services for taking my kids away from me so that I have more free time to pursue my musical dreams. Also, I'd like to thank the Natick girls' field hockey team for "being cool" about everything. It was all for charity, girls.
Mostly, I'd like to thank Okay Thursday for inviting us to play the Pop Goes the Cupid!
Valentine's Day pop fest at Great Scott this Wednesday night. If it weren't for you guys, there would be no nookie in Allston this week.
Thank you very much! Free Darfur! Or something!
In all the hub (and to the lesser extent the bub) of the last Scamper show, I may not have really emphasized that the upcoming Brendan Boogie Band
show on Wednesday February 13 at Great Scott isn't just a show. It's a two-night Valentine's Day popfest. For reals! I hardly EVER lie about a two-night Valentine's Day popfests.
If you've had the misfortune of ever dating me, you are likely aware that I tend to treat Valentine's Day the way Whitney Houston treats her kids: by fluctuating between supreme disinterest and open contempt. It would be wrong to say that I "hate" Valentine's Day, because that would imply I acknowledge its existence in any way. To me, Valentine's Day is the Perez Hilton of holidays - completely insignificant in every way, but occasionally loud enough to catch my attention and thus annoy the high holy shit out of me.
So why am I playing a Valentine's Day popfest with the new band? Well, for three reasons:
1) It's about time for me to actually have some fun on this quote unquote holiday endquote.
b.) There are a bunch of kick-ass bands with whom we've never played. That's always fun.
III.) The amazing Joe Welsh of Fooled By April will be returning to the Boston stage for one night only to teach you all how to love again.
And if that doesn't get your loins a-girdin', you're no sweetheart of mine, sweethearts.
Big news for the upcoming Brendan Boogie Band show this Wednesday night at Great Scott in Allston: we will be joined on lead guitar by the great Joe Welsh from Fooled By April
. The new proud papa Joe will be making a rare public appearance, so expect him to be extremely sleep-deprived and possibly covered in spit-up.
In other news, I didn't vote in the primaries on Super Tuesday. And, as it turns out, I didn't
die. Take that, Puff Daddy!
Normally, I'm a regular voter, even in local elections (although to be honest I just vote for who my much smarter friend Christine tells me). But this time around, I felt pretty good about all the major candidates. I'd be reasonably happy with a President Clinton or Obama or even McCain, for that matter. I really don't have a ton of strong feelings either way. So I probably would have voted for the candidate with whom I would most like to have a beer (Obama). And remember what happened the last time we did that.
I wonder if I'm suffering from "Anyone's Better Than Bush" syndrome. I've got to be honest - I'm so giddy that our current President's reign of incompeterror (I just made up that word) has an expiration date of less than a year
that I'm just plain crushing on all the candidates. President Ron Paul? Sure! President Dennis Kucinich? You bet! Hell, I'd even be happy with President Mike Huckabee, despite the giant laundry sacks of crazy he's been verbally dropping all over the countryside for the past several months. At least he's not Bush!
The only major candidate that gives me that "Second Coming of Bush" feeling is Mitt Romney. I considered voting for McCain to weaken Romney here in Massachusetts, one of his thirteen "home" states. But then everything I read suggested that Romney was a much weaker national candidate. So if I wanted the Democrats to take the White House (I do) and liked Clinton and Obama equally (I do), maybe the strategic vote would be FOR Romney. But could I go into a booth and check off the name "Mitt Romney"? I've got the heebies with a side order of jeebies just thinking about it.
In the end, I went for the "non-vote" option. That way, at least I can sleep at night. It also helps to know that I'll probably be dreaming of Dennis Kucinich's wife. She's a tall redhead with an English accent and a tongue ring. USA! USA!
Enough of my ramblings about Scamper's last show. How about hearing from the voice of the people, the great and powerful Hogg?
It's an honor and a pleasure to be a guest blogger for one last time on Brendan's Scamper thing. As many of you will agree, Scamper's last show on Saturday was shazamaramadingdong-tastic. Everyone seemed to have a fun and the music from all the bands was top notch.
With that in mind, I'd like to present my top ten personal observations from the show that enhanced the evening that much more:
10. Not only finding free parking that was conveniently close but also finding it instantly!
9. Doing more jumping and yelling than I've done in months.
8. Balancing my consumption so everyone's friend "Buzzed Hogg" came to the concert - he yells more than Sober Hogg but less people tend to get hurt (physically and emotionally) than with Drunk Hogg.
7. Having Scamper's Number 1 Fan dancing around and spilling beer on my wife - he was terrific... but he owes my wife an apology.
6. Correcting Baker on their assertion that a cornet is a "derivative of the trumpet". You see, while similar to a trumpet, the cornet was actually derived from the POST HORN - a brass circular valveless instrument used mainly in the 18th and 19th centuries... bitches!!
5. At the end of the night, my wife knowing to preemptively lock the car windows so Hogg wouldn't be able yell stuff at people as we left.
4. Running into Joe Welsh of Fooled by April fame - that guy's a fucking dreamboat.
3. Having the "DO YOU LIKE SCAMPER?!?!?" girl place Scamper stickers on everyone's crotches (men) and chests (women). She was fantastic!
2. Women with cleavage getting beer for me from bartenders who clearly prefer women with cleavage over Hogg (jerks).
And the best part of the night aside from the music...
1. A manly hug from Brendan Boogie that smelled of beer and cinnamon... and lasted just a little too long.
Okay, let's bite the bullet and talk about it, shall we?
If Scamper's last show were an episode of Two and a Half Men
, let's just say that the Brendan character would be played by a certain Mr. Jon Cryer. I'm pretty sure I literally cried part of my face off at the Middle East on Saturday night. It's true - there was tear-soaked epidermis all over the green room floor.
It was a good thing that our choreography during the last song featured my back turned to the audience. As I listened to Keith's heartfelt and emotional goodbye to the near sold-out crowd, I was run over by the Weepy Express to Cry Cry Town, USA. At that moment, the wave of reality hit me: this would be the last chorus of the last song that Scamper would ever play. I stopped my signature ass-shake and simply bawled right there on stage.
Luckily, Nate and Mike spotted my wussy ass losing it and started yelling at me. "Keep it together! We've got to finish this thing!" Nate shouted, just as my cue to turn around and play the tricky little bass run that Tom Polce invented some time in 2004 just to torture me.
To my credit, I played the rest of the song perfectly. Unfortunately, the last image of me on stage features me sporting the ridiculously unflattering "trying not to cry" face:
The last show was everything we expected and more. Although we joke around a lot, I can honestly tell you that Scamper never once took for granted the fact that you people gave us your precious time and money by coming to see us perform. And we tried to earn your love every time we hit the stage. On Saturday night, you gave us more back than we ever imagined possible. Really, we can't thank you enough.
In the coming days and weeks, I'm sure I'll be using this space to deal with my many emotions about the recent end of the best years of my life so far - my Scamper years. Some days I may be Jokey Smurf, while other days I may be Inappropriately Melancholy Smurf (who was replaced by Brainy after he tested badly in the pilot).
But today, I just want to say thank you to all the fans and friends who came out to our shows over the years. I loved every second of performing for you.
Oh, I'm also going to still use this space to obnoxiously pimp my new band. Bada bing:
When it comes down to it, I don't think perfection was meant for human eyes. It sets an impossible standard up to which none of us can really measure. So hin his own special way, Tom Brady gave us yet another gift. The gift of his flawed humanity. (You guys buying this bullshit at all?)
On a more specific note, I had "7-3" in my office football pool so I took home the 2nd and 3rd quarters, an uncharacteristic gambling win for me. As it turns out, I care way
more about $200 in my pocket than I do about the results of a professional football game. Who knew? Oh wait, I knew.
Did anything else worthy of note happen this weekend? Hmmm... nothing that I can really remember.
I know, I know - I'm avoiding emotion. But you've got to put yourself in my position. When something builds up in your mind for months and months and then it finally happens... it takes a while for you to sort out all the thoughts and feelings about the whole affair.
To be honest, I'm still at a loss. It's true - I really thought Brock Lesnar had a shot at winning his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut.
If we all lean on each other, we'll make it through.
More media whoring for the final show with articles in The Boston Globe
and The Boston Metro
. Thanks again to all the folks who have been kind enough to give us their precious ink over the years. We appreciate your help in spreading the Scamper love.
This is it, people. Last chance for me to convince you to either get thee to a nunnery or get thine asses to the Middle East Downstairs tomorrow night. Our cry cry theatrics aside, this is going to be a GREAT rock and roll show. The bands Baker
, and Aloud
are not only terrific friends of ours, but also three of the best bands in Boston. Come for their sets and then split for all we care.
UPDATE: We also have an interview up on Boston Music Spotlight
We'll see you all tomorrow night for the final bow.